It was 1996.

M was away on yet another medical military assignment (rotation).

His usual length away: 30 days.

I was playing the single parenting thing to two young toddler boys.

But the truth was that even when M was home- he wasn't really involved with the family because medical school was an all-consuming activity.

So it was a stressful time.

I thought I would do something nice for myself, however...

and go out with my kids to a restaurant.

Something we never did due to our limited budget.

So we got in there and sat down.

The boys were full of restless energy.

I was exhausted.

The restaurant was not fancy, it was a casual, family type restaurant.

We were sitting at a booth.

The boys were laughing and giggling.

They would go under the table- laugh and play under there- and then switch sides with each other.

They thought this was hilarious.

"Please stop," my tired voice pleaded.

But it fell on deaf ears.

We got our food.

The boys played with their food.

They were loud.

"Indoor voices please."

"O.K.!!" they loudly responded.

As we walked out a woman in a booth near us stopped me.

"Your children are horrible! They are totally out of control! I have never seen such terribly behaved children!"

In my mind: 'Please stop.'

I couldn't think of a reply. I was shocked. I didn't think they had acted that bad.

I attempted a weak comeback noticing that she didn't have any children with her- she was sitting with other adults. I thought- if she had kids she wouldn't have said that, she would understand, but I was wrong. "You probably don't have any kids." I weakly replied.

"Yes I DO!" she responded indignantly. "I have two girls and they are VERY well behaved. They have NEVER acted like that."

In my mind: 'Please stop.'

Then I just walked away.

It was the response I should have done in the first place.

I never put judgments on other parents (unless of course there is evidence of horrific mistreatment such as rape, severe neglect, molestation, attempted murder, etc.).

Sometimes I observe other families. Sometimes I think about their interactions and behaviors.

But their kid could be swinging like a monkey from the chandeliers and I would never blame the parent(s).

I have no idea what their lives are like, or what situation is going on with them.

I think parents need to help and support each other. Talk about the good times and the struggles.

Parents often don't discuss their challenges because of the blame game. I can't tell you how many times I have been flamed on this blog because of discussing a challenge I had.

The first thing that I said to the family I was sitting behind (in my last post) after learning the details of their adoption was to ask how they were doing and to express the challenges we had experienced. I did that so they knew I understood some of the adoption-related struggles. I always empathize with parents.

So, that is why I was upset that my last post may have come across like I was judging that family.

Ummmm..... they had like EIGHT kids and they adopted a special needs child too!

I was in AWE of that family. At the same time I wondered, knowing the exceeding demands of Piney, if I could have handled it if I also had young children.

Probably not. Our adoption agency also discouraged it.

But, that is not to say everyone couldn't handle it- and this family told me they were doing great.
So, like some of the commenters suggested, everyone is different and different people are capable of different things. Certainly adoption is always a miracle and a blessing for the children and the parents involved- even with the challenges that come.

Have you ever had someone criticize your parenting skills? Did it make you become a better parent?

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

So Piney just finished lunch.

She had carrots and soup and milk.

I had brought her down and she was in the kitchen.

She spotted the last remaining banana and grabbed for it.

I said, "Just a minute" and opened it for her.

I saw the top was a little bit smashed, so I cut that part off and threw it away-

then I peeled it partway and gave it to her.

However, she didn't like that on the bottom there was a little bruise on the banana.

So I took it back and cut off the good part of the banana and gave it back to her.

I have to say that I was sort of lamenting giving her the last banana.

I wasn't hungry right then, but bananas go fast in our house and I am lucky to ever get one.

However, she wanted it and all moms give up little things like that for their kids.

It is just the way it is.

Well, she took the top half of the banana that I handed her- which was perfectly ripe (without any bruises)- and promptly threw the whole thing in the trash.

I was so surprised I blurted out, "What are you doing?" as I reached for the banana and quickly applied the 5 sec. rule (if food gets dirty for less then 5 seconds it is still perfectly fine to eat)

I washed the banana and said, "No more bananas for you" and I ate the garbage banana (so as not to waste it.)

This did not seem to faze her, it was the rest of the banana that was the issue. She looked at me holding the other half of the banana fully expecting me to give it her.

However, the natural consequence to throwing a perfectly good banana in the trash is to not let her have more of the banana, so I cut off the bruised part and I ate the other part of the banana.

Piney looked at me incredulously and then holding back tears let out a giant wail while walking into the comfort of M in the other room.

Now I was feeling horrible.

What did I miss?

Did she not just throw the first half of the perfectly good banana in the trash?

Then it occurred to me that there was something about that exchange she did not understand. Perhaps she thought I had wanted her to throw it away for some mysterious reason. Perhaps she was just copying me, because I threw away the mashed part of the banana in the beginning.

I was totally confused. How can I give her natural consequences for her actions if I don't understand her actions. If I can't even interpret her actions as being right or wrong.

Honestly I didn't even want to eat the banana right then. I wasn't even hungry. It might have been nice to have some time later, but....

it wasn't a big deal. I just didn't want her to throw away the entire banana and I felt like she shouldn't be rewarded for ruining food.

These kinds of little problems come up all the time.

Any advice?
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Visit my other post here.

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

Well, instead of feeling like I deserved pampering on Mother's Day I honestly felt a little guilty.

I could be a better mom I thought.

So I wrote a list of ideas to myself of ways to be a better mom and I thought I would share them.

1. Be as happy as Jesus. So I know that sounds weird, but what that means to me is not super, super fake happy all the time, but a sort of peaceful, quiet happy. Do you get this?
2. Be mindful of the words I speak. Pay attention to myself.
3. Give my kids a steady supply of fiction and nonfiction books from the library.
4. Look nice for my family. Just because I stay home doesn't mean I should look like I just woke up all day -every day. Smell nice, look nice. Exercise. It matters.
   
5. Hang pictures of great art prints in the kids bathroom- rotate them periodically- so they have something to look at as they are brushing their teeth for 2 min.
   
6. Cook meals they love with love.
7. Do chores, baking and homework together.
8. Keep the house clean- not spotless- but clean enough.
9. Listen to my kids- pay attention to their needs.
10. Teach them important life skills (cooking, laundry, finances, career planning, child care, conserving resources, gardening, health, thrift, etc.)
    
11. Make memories (trips, local outings, family activities, holidays, cultural activities)
    
12. Give them opportunities (lessons, sports, jobs, contests, events)
13. Support them in what they are interested in.
14. Do not over schedule
15. Hang out and be a sitting, available mom
16. Be positive (overall)
    
17. Pray together
18. Be firm yet loving and kind ( I have to get that Parenting with Love a Logic book!)

Any other ideas?

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

I have been focusing on my breathing to carry on through the day...

To say it has been a bad day is the understatement of the year.

I have been working straight through on a database project for school.

20+ hours of frustrating Oracle code and tedious data entry.

My involvement in this project has caused every member of my family to suffer in some way due to my unavailability.

I can't help with homework, clean, put Piney to bed, join in family activities, make meals, listen to concerns, or let M sleep....

the general irritability this has caused in my family has contributed to my growing stress...

So, last night I was about half-way done with the project that is due Monday...

when my data overload caused my computer to crash...

Now it takes 30min. for the computer to load and nothing works- no Internet, no email, nothing. Everything just freezes and shuts down.

I tried system restore several times with different dates and the computer was unable to process the request.

On top of that...

little annoying things have been going on- like no parking spots at the store, my other blog which I spent several hours on no longer works, Piney is extra clingy and whiny for no reason, my son wasn't where he was supposed to be to get picked up from school, I had to go to the library to read my email and write this...etc. etc. I am like a "bad things will happen" magnet...

And all the while these inconveniences are happening to me I think about my sister whose little baby girl (same age as Piney)

is having heart surgery today.



My problems are nothing.

I can always buy a new computer.

We are praying for you and your family, sis!

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

Well, it's a sunny day

I feel brand new

There's about a million things

That I could do!

Whoa-oh-oh

Would you like to

Do them, too?

Yeah

Well, it's a big wide world

And it's waiting for me and you!

I hear that song a lot because Piney LOVES Peep and The Big Wide World.

LOVES LOVES LOVES

And the tune is catchy before it starts getting on your nerves.
I included it here because it goes along with my post and it is going on over and over in my head unfortunately.

My mom emailed me this YouTube video about this guy's last speech before he dies.

He spoke about living your dreams and stuff.
It got me thinking. If I only had six more months to live- what would I do with my time?
Seriously I was stumped. I had to think.
Did I have any childhood dreams still waiting out there for me?
Hmmmm
O.K. pretend you can't spend all your money. What would you do if you only had a few months left?

And I don't mean the typical answers of telling everyone you love them.
I mean what would you want to do that you haven't yet done?
Would you continue watching the same old TV series your addicted to?
Would you really eat icecream all day?
Would you leave all your money to your kids? To a good cause? What cause?
Would you do a death bed repentance?
Would you want to hike a mountain? Swim in the ocean?
Go back and visit your childhood home?
Quit your job and do what you really wanted to do all along?

I think I would want to listen to a lot of inspiring music
and look at deeply moving art
and maybe create some of my own.
I think I would want to go for walks in the forest every day
and touch everything
I would want to have a sleepover party with friends
and talk about nothing
I would want to look deeply into each of my children's eyes and soak them in forever
I would want to teach them everything important and meaningful that I could think of
I would want to give them my undivided attention.

I would want to watch the sun rise and set every day.
I would want to eat food that was delicious and made me feel good.
I would want to talk to everyone- my neighbors, the people I pass on the street
I wouldn't take anything for granted.
I would appreciate every step of my day. Every ordinary thing would be a wonder.

The question is- if that is the case- if that is what I would do then

What am I waiting for?

Why not live it now?

Why not?

Labels: self help for adoptive moms, what to teach your kids

Nobody understands better than us.

And now that I have a daughter I understand even more.

Here are 6 ways you can make a big difference today in the lives of women around the world-

I have compiled all of this information in one place so it will be SO EASY for you to help.


1. Buy a fuel-efficient Darfur Stove ($20) HERE for use by the Darfurian women. (Come on! It's cheap!)

Why you ask? Because you are saving a woman and her daughters from getting raped, attacked and murdered.

When the displaced Darfur women and daughters leave the refugee camps to gather the materials for fuel (wood, etc.), they are vulnerable to attacks from the rebel groups and Janjaweed militants. These stoves help them prepare meals free of danger.

2. Pledge to never buy jewelry and other items (that can be handmade) from big corporations who already have enough money, when many poor women offer these same items and use the money to keep their families alive, clothed and educated while often caring for orphans.

Check out: Ten Thousand Villages and Taraluna and Wedge

3. In many developing countries, taxes do not pay for education, and many parents believe that the extra cost of tuition, textbooks, school uniforms, and school supplies is too great to be "wasted" on a girl- Thus cutting off their chances for a better life. Also, many women and girls rely on rags, newspaper, camel skin or nothing at all for their menstrual needs. A lack of sanitary pads can be a big barrier to a girl's education.You can help girls go or stay in school, so they can have a better future for themselves.

Check out these sites

Beads For Education and Good4Girls and World Education's Girls' and Women's Initiative and School shoes for girls in rural Africa and Send two girls to school in Afghanistan


4. Also check out the website: Globalfundforwomen.org. This site gives opportunities for women from a wide range of backgrounds. It is a grant-giving institution that advances women's human rights. My favorite way to support their cause is to shop here.

6. My sister-in-law told me about this: WomenToWomenInternational.org . Through this site she has been sponsoring a woman and they have been corresponding through letters. It is through this exchange that you can provide your "new sister" with emotional and financial help.
You can choose a woman in Congo, Afghanistan, Bosnia, Sudan, Rwanda or many other places. She said that it has been a very rewarding experience. Go to the site to get more information.


Thanks for making a difference!

Labels: self help for adoptive moms, what to teach your kids

Well I just got the news.

Unfortunately, "Johnson and Johnson" cannot provide international flights for Camp Baby.

Sigh.

Despite the controversy, I was so excited to get invited to this conference, but a flight to the states is cost prohibitive.

The good news is they are sending me a package of the presentation materials discussed at the Camp, as well as Johnson's Baby products.

Pineapple will be so excited. She loves lotions and stuff. Rubbing lotion is still a great bonding activity.

I can also feel good about it because Johnson and Johnson is a socially responsible company and even though it isn't organic, it gets high marks for it's awesome policies. READ HERE.

Yesterday I was actually thinking of making my own rich lotion with this recipe that uses baby lotion as an ingredient.

I have been thinking about making my own cleaners too.

I was out of laundry detergent yesterday and my kids were out of clean clothes, so I did a little research and I found a basic recipe for making my own detergent.

I didn't have the ingredients listed, so I decided to experiment. For people who know me this is no surprise.

I had a little Woolite (about 3/4c.)- so I took a bar of soap and started shaving it into a cup of boiling water. It soon turned into a gel-like substance. I let it cool for a little while and then I added the Woolite and mixed it together.

I then used about 2 T. for each load of laundry.

It worked great! I was able to get a whole weeks laundry done (from our trip) with just a little bit of Woolite on hand. I am going to try to get the "real" recipe ingredients next time I am at the store.

This could save a lot of money over time. It will also cut down on our trash and it is better for the environment. I am going to keep a back up of my favorite commercial laundry on hand, but it is expensive- so only for emergencies!

As I was looking for laundry detergent recipes I found recipes for tons of other stuff- such as dishwasher detergent and other cleaners. I can even make my own Softscrub!

And the great thing is- it is all SUPER easy!

Do you have a great "make-it-yourself" recipe? Share it!

Labels: bonding activities with your adopted child, self help for adoptive moms

My alarm went off and those are the words that echoed loudly in my head like a powerful wake up call.

"Your Life Is Over How Did You Live It?"

It scared me really. I don't think that has ever happened to me before.

When I came to my senses I realized my life wasn't really over and I wondered what I had been dreaming about.

I thought about the words and wondered why they had come to into my mind like that.

Was I supposed to learn something here?

Perhaps I needed to pay more attention to my life. My life is passing me by and there are no second chances. No do-overs. When it is over, it is over.

Am I having the life I want to have?

I realized that I go through a lot of my days in a kind of fog. This is especially true if I have spent a long time at the computer or in front of the T.V. I just do my routine without really paying attention.

I need to start noticing things. To really get into life.

Maybe I need to learn some new skills that really get me in touch with life like making homemade bread, learning to knit, starting a garden on our balcony, and paying attention to nature as I walk the kids to school. Maybe I need to pay more attention to people and less to things.

M came home from work and he was upset because his Rayban sunglasses were missing.

I would have felt exactly the same. Those are expensive sunglasses.

Then suddenly I realized how silly that was. M owns like 5 pairs of sunglasses.

Why do we hold on so strongly to our possessions that we don't need?

Perhaps that is another change I need to make. Let go of my possessions.

I mean let go about caring about them.

Be free.

Our family had our weekly meeting to talk about a goal we were going to work on this week. We decided to take Victor Frankl's advice and realize we always have choices. We can always choose our attitude and actions in every circumstance. We can choose to respond positively instead of our knee jerk reaction.

Hmmm. Maybe this is another way to be free.

Maybe those are the lessons I needed to learn, and maybe they are just the beginning.

Labels: self help for adoptive moms, what to teach your kids

Lately Piney has been telling me that she is going home.

"I'm going home now mommy."

Or

"I want to go home!"

This has been happening a few times a week.

I don't know what home she is referring to.

Her home in Russia? Our last home in Maryland? Mickey Mouse's home?

Her preschool? The moon?

If I ask her if her home is any of these places she says yes to all of them.

I always say, "O.K. We will miss you, but go ahead."

She leaves into another room and comes back one minute later to announce she is back.

Me: "Oh I am so happy you are back! Did you have a great time?"

Piney:"Ya!"

Oh to live in such a fantasy world.

I was walking Piney to school yesterday and she sees a helicopter in the sky and she starts screaming to it:

"Mickey Mouse! I see you! I see you! Mickey Mouse!" This went on for the entire walk to school.

This is not the first time. We have a helicopter landing pad near our house and so helicopters are common. Every time she sees one she runs to the window yelling, "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!"

Also, every time she hears a fire engine siren or police car she yells, "Santa Clause! Santa Clause is coming!"

If the helicopter and siren are going on at the same time she goes into a frenzy.

It is funny to see her excitement with all of this fantasy stuff.

Her youthful imagination reminded me of a book I read called You Are Only Young Twice.

I know, why is a 36yr. old reading about getting old? But this book is written for anyone over 30.

I suppose it is any time after 30 when we get to live our second youth (so maybe at 60 you get to start a third youth? I don't know).

The point is that I was surprised to read that one of the best ways to stay young is to pretend, fantasize and make believe.

Really? I thought. Because I always sort of thought of that as being something you did with your kids- for them.

This new revelation made me realize that I had permission to totally pretend stuff in my head and with other people.

We already do this through books and movies, but remember how much fun it was to pretend as a child?

What if we pretended that we had super powers or that we lived in another country or that our uptight neighbor wanted us to come over and get into her fridge. O.K. this could get you into trouble, but it is nice to be able to think that it is good for us to use our imaginations. To make up stories and do a lot of what ifs..... or someday I am going to do that.... or lets pretend we are lost at sea or on a deserted island running from elephants.

Sound fun? Here is a list of some of the other suggestions for experiencing your second youth:

Read, use the library and computer, write, tell stories, problem-solve, make plans with friends, listen to music, sing, talk to others, stay active, paint, dance, enjoy the ordinary, care for kids, volunteer, take care of your appearance, try new foods, pray, make future plans, continue learning, travel, hobbies, mental games, learn new skills, love animals, go to concerts, plays and movies, stretch, be optimistic and get massages.

Got to love that last one too.

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

I just finished cleaning my house.

Not just cleaning my house. I mean taking bags and bags of stuff to the thrift store. New stuff even. Stuff that we have owned forever and never opened because what if we needed it someday. Because how could I get rid of new stuff, or barely used once stuff? But I just did it. And our house looks so clean and free.

I can actually walk into my closet. I have been wondering what color the floor was for awhile now.

Hmmm. It 's this ugly greyish white color.

Oh the rewards of cleaning.

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

After adoption priorities for you:

1)Adoption support (list servs, blog, adoption support group you go to, professional help, prayer, friends who have toddlers or who have adopted, extended family, FRUA activities)

2) Exercise, bubble baths, take care of yourself

3) Activities with kids and family (toddler appropriate), time w/spouse

4) Clean house, meals and laundry

(I am not sure about this advice because a clean house supports my sanity. I don’t think I could put this last on my priority list)

Best to have a daily routine for you that meets your needs. Try to have a set wake-up and bed time, eat time, work and leisure time. Ensure you are doing at least one thing you love to do each day. Get lots of hugs from your spouse or someone you love. Mourn the loss of your personal space and time (I am unsure what this means exactly. Have a good cry?)

Go on walks (child in stroller while you listen to music or a book on tape). Read a book while sitting close to your child who is watching a cartoon. Try mommy and me exercise tapes or classes.

Most importantly: Enjoy, savor and cherish every moment you have with your new child that is finally in your forever family! I know you all will!!

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

For adopting families check out the following:

1. Sometimes you want to connect with other parents that have adopted. The problem is how do you know for sure that they have adopted children. The Adoption Hotline Blog suggests an earring signal, The Naked Ovary Blog suggested a secret handshake, I thought maybe an adoption tattoo would work, but now I have discovered this cute little t-shirt that would be better. However, it is only offered in baby and toddler sizes.



2. If you are a friend or family member of someone who is going to adopt the following two websites may be helpful to you:

1. What is a Referral? Click Here

2. Want to know how to treat an adoptive family? Click Here


I especially like #9. What is your favorite? Do you have anything to add to this list?

Labels: after adoption: transitioning successfully, self help for adoptive moms

1. I study “how to be a good mom” books one hour each day (Do adoption books count?)
2. I bake healthy treats for special surprises (I microwave popcorn sometimes)
3. I scrub my home daily, my toilets all sparkle (my toilets will sparkle when we move out)
4. I pray for each child’s needs (I try to focus before I fall asleep)
5. I always speak to my little ones gently and sweetly (Hmmmm)
6. I volunteer in my kids classrooms (Is this really, really important?)
7. I sign my kids up for all kinds of opportunities (one extra activity per child is max)
8. I drive them all over to practice (driving is what I like least about parenting)
9. I cut all their hair (O.K. I do this, but I forget to have them cut their nails)
10. I do everything according to priorities (I set priorities, but I forget to refer to them)
11. I play the piano (NO)
12. I bless with my talents (I am still trying to identify my talents)
13. My checkbooks all balance (Is this possible when adopting?)
14. Each week every child gets a one-on-one date (I will pass the bill to M for this)
15. I am always on time, never late (I get congratulated each time)
16. My toenails are polished- I always look beautifully groomed for my DH (about every three or four days)
17. I track my bad habits until each is abolished (What- me have bad habits?)
18. My family's clothes are all ironed (What decade is this?)
19. Our family times are always delightful (Yeah, and no one ever fights or disagrees with each other either)
20. I help my kids ahead with their school work- The lessons I give are both fun and insightful (I usually give my kids the wrong answer or information in regards to their school work because I have no idea what they are studying about half the time- I can’t remember that stuff)
21. I rise each day early, refreshed and awake (You mean groggy and tired)
22. I know all the names of each youth in my neighborhood (Yeah- whats-his-name who lives next door)
23. I help all my neighbors (We eat their eggs we ask for on a regular basis)
24. I bless the community, too, with my labors (I don’t litter)
25. I cook menus gourmet (If it can be microwaved or cooked in 10 minutes or less)
26. I chart resolutions and check off each goal (The last time I did this was in Sunday School in 1986)
27. I write in my journal (Does blogging count?)
28. I sing in the choir (M does, I can’t sing)
29. Each day, I write "thank you's" to those I admire (Thank you to all of you readers, I admire you- See, I did it)
30. My sons are all Eagle scouts (O.K. they are in scouts, but this standard is high)
31. My kid’s get straight A's (Of course, they are rocket scientists and brain surgeons in the making)
32. Their bedrooms are clean (I think you can find carpet in there if you look carefully for a clearing)
33. I have a home business to help make some money (No, I bring in nothing. I even tried volunteering for pay to be the guinea pig for scientific medical research and they rejected me)
34. I change our car's tires and I fix our sink's leak (Yeah, by calling the local fix it man, actually I tell M to call)
35. I have all our meals planned out six months ahead (M is always asking me what I have planned for dinner tonight and my response is to just look at him and blink, or get upset that he asked: Don't expect me to think that far ahead)
36. My shopping for Christmas is done by July (Maybe if I had a million gazillion dollars I would shop for Christmas all year and hand out lavish gifts to all my bloggy friends- wouldn’t that be fun?)

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

To help in my quest to remain healthy (and have the energy to chase kids) I started exercising at home with aerobic videos or DVDs. Gyms are nice too. I have had some gym memberships in the past. If you like large exercise equipment and group classes than the gym is for you. A benefit of a gym is that there is child care. It is very difficult, really impossible to exercise at home with a young child in tow. However, sometimes having the child watch a show during the time you want to exercise at home is helpful, although there are no guarantees that this will hold the child’s attention the whole time. The only real solution is to have your husband or a babysitter watch your child if you want to exercise at home.

To assist anyone who thinks they may want to take this on I have decided to review my workout video collection. The advantages of working out at home is that you don’t have to hassle with driving, parking, etc., you don’t need to look good for anyone, you don’t have to get yourself and your child all ready to go out, it fits in a smaller time slot in your day and it costs WAY less than a gym. With any exercise program consistency is the key. 30-45 min. at least 3 days a week- you know the drill. If interested, I am sure you could find these for sale used or new at amazon.com. I will rate them: hard, medium or easy and tell you if they are one of my favorites. However, I do ALL of these. If I really didn’t like a workout video I would toss it or give it away. So the fact that these are on the list means they are pretty good.

Toning (For the most effective workout you need to alternate toning with aerobics. I think one of the most common mistakes people make when exercising is that they only do aerobics, or they only do ab crunches. This doesn’t work. You need to do complete toning and aerobic workouts)

ABS of Steel: Target Toning Workout, 30 min, medium, works abs in various ways- some different, unique exercises thrown in
The Firm: Firm Parts, Tough Tape 2, 45 min, hard, total body, favorite
The Firm: Body Sculpting Basics, 60 min, hard, total body, this is a classic, favorite- all Firm videos are very effective and highly recommended
Kathy Smith Time Saver: Lift Weights to Lose Weight, 2- 20 min workouts w/ 7 min abs, medium, Kathy is a bit hyper in this video
Kathy Smith Time Saver: Lift Weights to Lose Weight II, 2- 20 min workouts w/ 7 min abs, medium, this one is a bit better than the first one
Bazaar Spa Rancho La Puerta Bottom Line Workout, 55 min, medium, this is like taking a class at this nice resort, very soothing nurturing ending, favorite
Claudia Schiffer Perfectly Fit Buns, 30 min, medium, great photography, on location
The Firm: Total Body Maximum Body Sculpting, 45 min, medium, total body
The Firm Cross Trainers Super Sculpting, 50 min, hard, total body
The Firm Cross Trainers- Firm Strength, 60 min, hard, total body

Aerobics

Crunch Fat Blaster, 30 min, medium, basic aerobics routine
Crunch: Tae Boxing: Kickology and Tae Boxing Jam, 22 min. each, easy, I never do the kickology because it is too easy, the Tae Boxing is fun though, favorite
Reebok Versa Training: Hi-Low Aerobics, 30 min, medium, interesting art movie going on in the back, Petra Kolber has a comforting and supportive voice, the routine is better than others- a little different

Aerobics and Toning combined (My favorite)

Your Personal Best Workout w/ Elle Macpherson, 50 min, medium, this is a classic, great photography, filmed outdoors, great routine, favorite
10 Minute Solution, 40 min: 10 min of each: boot camp, pilates, ballet, kickboxing, yoga medium, Fun way to get in a variety of mini workouts, can do as much as you have time for, favorite
Karen Voight: Strong and Smooth Moves, 60 minutes, mediumthis is half aerobics and half toning, total body
Crunch: Boot Camp Training, 30 min, medium, high energy, very fun workout that includes everything- not boring
Redbook Shape 1-2-3, 3- 15 minute workouts, easy, I usually do the aerobics and toning section and skip the long stretch- it is a bit much, filmed outdoors
Firm Basics: Abs, Buns and Thighs, 45 min, easy, easy, great music, this is probably my most favorite exercise video, it is easy, but you can make it harder by using heavier weights and making slight adjustments
Denise Austin: Hit The Spot Gold- Sizzler, 35 min, medium, fun music and filmed on the beach at sunset, favorite
Denise Austin: Hit The Spot Gold- Fat Burning Blast, 2-25 min workouts, easy, I don’t do the first workout because it is too easy, but I really like the second one
Denise Austin: BLAST Away 10 lbs., 2- 20 min- kickboxing/ interval workout, medium, the first workout is a little harder then the second one, but I like them both, they are modern and fun, favorite
The Firm: Tough Aerobic Mix, 45 min, hard, this is the killer tape I wrote about earlier, good luck
Firm Basics: Sculpting w/ weights, 43 min, easy, total body, favorite

Please comment on what exercise program works best for you, or let us know if you own any workout videos and what you think of them. If you own one of these, let us know what you think of it. Any motivation tips would be great too.

Note: Please don't recommend spinning classes. If I ever have to do another spinning class I will consider shooting myself in the head. Thanks.

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

The following are some adoption books that I checked out from the library. There are many other adoption books that I would like to purchase and check out that are not listed here. As I get other books I will review those.

One thing I found was that I was biased toward newer books. I had preconceived ideas that they were better before even opening them- and lo and behold- most were. So, I am not sure if this is because they REALLY were, or because my bias made me think that.

Parent Books:

The Russian Adoption Handbook by John McClean 2004 O.K. this book is essential for anyone adopting from Russia. Although the organization could be improved upon, I have found this book to be the most important book in my adoption process thus far. It tells you what to do next when you feel a roadblock coming on. It answers your questions and leads you by the hand from start to finish. Thumbs up.

The Adoption Life Cycle by Elinor B. Rosenberg 1992 I voted a thumbs down for this book. Not only because it smelled musty, but because her underlining feelings were that adoption is unnatural and fails to meet the needs of all parties involved, so here is what you can do to make the best out of a bad situation.

Making Sense of Adoption by Lois Ruskai Melina 1989. O.K. I know that this book is ancient history because it was written the year I graduated from high school, but it is still a useful book, so thumbs up. The book is basically a resource to help you talk to your child about adoption and the issues that surround it at different stages in his or her life. It stresses the rights of the child to know the truth about who they are, and how they joined their current family right from the start.

Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff 1997 Thumbs up to this engaging short read. It follows the story of a domestic adoption of a child from a different race. Even though this may or may not be your story, what makes it universally appealing, besides the great flow of the story, are the “secret thoughts of the adoptive mother”. She says things in the book that all adoptive parents probably think, but are afraid to say out loud or even think too loudly. It is a comforting book in that regard and helps calm fears and anxieties.

Keys to Parenting an Adopted Child by Kathy Lancaster 1996 I had to vote thumbs down on this book because although there was a lot of great topics, such as; adoption successes, raising well-adjusted children, issues for your child, and special risk issues- the solutions were just too general and vague. There wasn’t enough concrete and useful information.

Attaching in Adoption by Deborah D. Gray 2002 I realize that this book has been highly praised and a lot of people love it, but I have to give it a thumbs down because I found it to be too technical. There was too much explaining about what is attachment disorder than what to do about it. Little stories of various case scenarios is supposed to be the way you are to decipher what to do in your specific case. I found, however; that it was tedious to wade through all of the stories that I may or may not relate to. Too many anecdotal stories about other people’s adoptions made me discard this book.

Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory C. Keck 2002 A big thumbs up here. It was engaging to read and filled with practical and useful information for adopting children who have been living in orphanages- or any child with a hurtful past. A whole chapter is devoted to attachment activities that are great ideas- not the same general stuff repeated from other sources – but new fresh ideas. I am talking pages and pages of ideas. I loved this whole book. Highly recommended.

Toddler Adoption- The Weaver’s Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best (1997)If you are adopting a toddler (especially internationally) this is an essential book to read. I heard before I read it that it is a really hard book to read – that it might scare you out of adopting. I didn’t find that to be the case at all. The book was interesting, but not compelling. I mean I didn’t just devour it, but I wanted to read it and I got a lot out of it. I think this book is important because it addresses issues such as what to expect of your toddler when he or she comes home with you. There is a little too much information about what the caregivers should do. I doubt the orphanage caregivers will be reading this book. However, there is also a lot of good information for the parents about understanding the child’s transition (from orphanage to home), your child’s development, and the child’s grief, attachment, managing your child’s behavior and taking care of yourself. There are some practical useful suggestions in here. I liked it because it was toddler specific and not too general. My copy has been thoroughly read and underlined throughout. I learned a lot with this one. Thumbs up.

Yes, You Can Adopt! by Richard Mintzer (2003) If you want to try out this book, I recommend checking it out from the library, rather than purchasing it because it is too general- unless you have just decided that you want to adopt and you want to read about every possible path. However, if you know what type of adoption you are going for, or if you are along the process at all than this is not for you. It gives a basic overview about making the adoption decision, preparing for adoption, the homestudy, domestic, independent and international adoption choices. It also touches generally on adoption in the media, adoption fraud, open adoption, adopted & biological children, relative adoption, gay & lesbian adoption, single parent adoption, financing your adoption, positive adoption language, sharing information about your adoption and adoptees: understanding adoption. Overall I felt like the book was easy to read and understand with some good information, but was too general and broad for me to get much out of it. For an overview book though I give it a thumbs up.

The Post-Adoption Blues by Karen J. Foli and John R. Thompson (2004)I wanted to like this book more than I did because I think there is a big need for such a book. What is great about this book is that it talks about feelings (secret feelings) that you may have about your adoption, that you don’t feel you can express- and if you do have these feelings, to realize that you are normal and not alone. The message also comes across that you need to have realistic expectations of yourself. This book could be a God-send to someone who is going through post-adoption depression, which according to this book is quite a large percentage of adoptive parents. It might speak to your hurting soul. However, it won’t give you a whole lot of advice about what to do about it besides seeking professional help. However, there is a personal assessment you can take of yourself if you think you have the post-adoption blues in chapter 13 and in chapters 14 and 15 there are some coping strategies and ways to help you identify the problems. I found those chapters to be potentially the most useful. Thumbs up.

The Complete Adoption Book by Laura Beauvais-Godwin and Ramond Godwind (2005)This book says that it is a complete guide, and that is the biggest problem with it. It is just too huge and general. I found only two chapters that applied to my personal situation and the information was too general to be worth anything. This book is even more general than Yes! You can adopt. I say, skip this one. If you want an overview get the Yes! You can adopt book. Thumbs down.

The Family of Adoption by Joyce Maguire Pavao (2005) This book has some interesting adoption stories (scenarios). She tells stories to teach points about adoption. The stories are from all different types of situations. I read some of them, but did not feel compelled to read them all. Overall I didn't really like it. Thumbs down.

Becoming a Family by Lark Eshleman (2003) This was the first book that I read after deciding on adoption and I loved it. It is a short book with lots of practical advice. I read the whole thing very quickly and took lots of notes. The book focuses on attachment, preparing to bring your child home and getting the proper health care, school services and therapy that may be required for your child. The book is assuming you are adopting a baby or toddler. Thumbs up.

Raising Adopted Children by Lois Ruskai Melina (1998) This book is not specific and refers to all adopted children. It is not about taking you down the path to adoption; it is about raising your adopted child. The book addresses- transitioning the child into the family and attachment issues, talking about adoption with your child, how adoption affects the family, adoption risks, behavior issues, cultural identity, etc. However, there were a lot of chapters that I felt didn’t apply to everyone who has adopted children (i.e. chapters on special needs, racism, contact with birth parents, and special situations). For this reason I would recommend you check this out from a library if you are interested in it, rather than purchase it so you can read just the chapters that fit your child. Overall it is a high quality book with useful information. Thumbs up (a little reluctant with this vote)

Children’s Books: (All of the children books were read to my 7 year-old son, so I could get his reaction as well)

Did My First Mother Love Me? by Kathryn Ann Miller 1994. I voted thumbs up for this book because it is very readable, engaging and comforting. It is interesting right away even for a young child. However, the book revolves around a letter written by the birth mother to her child of how much she loved the child and wanted the best for her, but couldn’t take care of her. So, if you know that the reality of this story is WAY off base for your child, I would skip this one.

Emma’s Yucky Brother by Jean Little 2001.Thumbs down for this book because there was too much about brothers being pests, the misbehavior of the adopted child – he calls his sister Yucky Emma. I just felt the whole story was negative, but then it had one page- the last page where everyone is happy and gets along. NEXT.

The Sea Chest by Toni Buzzeo 2002. Thumbs down on this book because it bored my seven-year-old and I to tears. It is written in beautiful poetry form that went way above my 7 year- old’s head. It is also quite lengthy. However, I have to admit that when I got to the page where they opened the treasure chest and found the baby washed up on the shore, I had to choke back some tears. It is also beautifully illustrated.

Over the Moon by Karen Katz 1997. Thumbs up for this story about an interracial, international adoption from a tropical place. The story is entertaining and colorful. However, your Russian child might not relate exactly.

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis 1996. Thumbs up for this adoption story. Illustrations are fun. Writing is clever and gets to the point. Expresses well the emotions of the adoptive parents. Shows parents flying on a plane to meet child. It does refer to how the mother couldn’t grow a baby in her tummy- which may or may not apply to you. It also refers to the child being picked up from a hospital and being an infant, but the birthmother is not pictured.

Beginnings by Virginia Kroll I have to say thumbs down to this story that contains several short stories about how different families came to be- all of them but one- are an adoption situation. Overall I found it too long and wordy. The stories were too specific for that child, so I doubt anyone could totally relate to any of the stories.

Through Moon and Stars and Night Skies by Ann Turner 1990. I am only giving this a thumbs down because the story is about a child traveling from a tropical place to the adoptive parents. I like that it comes from the perspective of the child and talks about his fears flying in the plane to meet his new parents, but I have never heard of this arrangement. How convenient- the parents just wait at home while their child is personally delivered to them. Does this ever happen in the adoption world? Other than that, this is a great book- especially the bonding time between the parents and child after they are united.

When I Met You- A Story of Russian Adoption by Adrienne Ehlert Bashista
Of course I am going to love this story of a little girl adopted from Russia because it is my dream story. It is a treasure for parents who have adopted from Eastern Europe and for all adoptive parents who want to share a story that illustrates the beauty of international adoption. The book is simple to understand even for a small child, but interesting enough for an older child. The pictures and words are comforting and moving. It gently tells the story of a child transitioning from an orphanage setting to a family setting. It shows how the child has grown and blossomed from the love of her family. You feel the joy of the parents welcoming her into their home and hearts. It also ties in the value and importance of the child’s culture and beginnings. At the end of the book there is a fun little activity where the child can find images (such as a butterfly) that were in the story and say the word in English and Russian. This book is a must have. It will be treasured for many years by this family. Big thumbs up for this one. Ms. Bashista also has a newer Russian adoption book out called: Mishka


Mommy Far, Mommy Near by Carol Antoinette Peacock
This is the type of book to check out at the library. It is too long to read over and over, but worth a look. The book starts out great. It describes a young girl adopted from China. The story is told by the child. She describes herself in a positive way. Her high self-esteem shines through. She describes the times she spends with her mom looking at her life book and doing some attachment activities. She also explains in a comforting way about how she came into the family. She pretends to talk to her birth mom on the phone and tells her how happy she is in her new home and with her new family. The only thing I didn’t like about it is that it states the reason the child was put up for adoption was because China made a rule that each family could only have one child. Her mother couldn’t keep her because she already had a child. She wanted to, but was not allowed. The only problem with this is since there isn’t an equivalent “rule” in other countries it might make your child feel like the birth parents could have kept him or her and they might consequently feel sad. However, the book has some really good parts. Perhaps a reader could just skip over the parts that don't fit or change it slightly. A really cute part is when the girl adopts her own babies (stuffed animals). It also deals with racial differences within the family in an understanding way.

A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza
The thing I like about this book is that even though Choco is a boy bird, the fact that he is a bird makes the story seem genderless, so it is automatically appealing to boys and girls. This is a good book for kids who are feeling like they don’t quite fit in to their new family based on appearance. The book starts off as he starts walking around looking for a mother (he seems to have lost his). He tries to find a mother that has at least one characteristic trait as him (i.e. we are both yellow). However, he ends up with Mrs. Bear as his new mother who doesn’t have any physical characteristics as him. Mrs. Bear has one thing the others don’t: she loves Choco. The two spend some fun times together. When Mrs. Bear brings Choco home for the first time he finds that she has other children as well, all of which are different (a hippo, piggy and alligator). Despite these differences they all love each other very much. I think all kids could benefit from this book with its teachings of love and acceptance of differences.

I Love You Like Crazy Cakes by Rose Lewis
I like how this book starts out “Once upon a time…” like a fairy tale. The book flows well and presents a clear message. It is easy to understand and says a lot in a few words. Unlike When I Met You and Mommy Far, Mommy Near that show young children as their main subject (while looking back over their lives), this book shows the child as an older infant the whole time. This may or may not appeal to you. The story takes you through the whole international adoption process (China) in an abbreviated manner with carefully chosen, thoughtful words. It is tender without being mushy. The illustrations are wonderful and I especially like the Chinese character for love on the last page. No matter where you are adopting from, this book shows the basic process and love of an adoptive family. This book is a keeper.

If you have read other adoption books that you recommend please suggest them, or if you have read any of the above books and agree or disagree with my review please speak up. Other than that, all other comments are welcome.

Labels: adoption resources: best books, adoption: difficult child behaviors, after adoption: difficult child behaviors, best books for adopted preschooler, self help for adoptive moms

“So… So… let’s dance!” (That is my husband’s favorite line from Caddy Shack. If you have seen it you may remember Rodney Dangerfield using that line to change the subject) So… So… I am changing the subject... Music that tells it like it is...

Yes, you can see that I am largely stuck in the 80’s like I said I would never be.

How I feel about blogging sometimes:

“The future’s for discovering
The space in which we're traveling
From the top of the first page
To the end of the last day
From the start in your own way
You just want
Somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are
It doesn’t matter who you are….”

Coldplay from X&Y album

Also-

“Trouble me; disturb me with all your cares and your worries. Trouble me
on the days when
you feel spent.
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is
sturdy and strong?
Trouble me.”

10,000 maniacs “Trouble me”

After being exhausted after a long day-

“If only tonight we could sleep
In a bed made of flowers
If only tonight we could fall
In a deathless spell
If only tonight we could slide
Into deep black water
And breathe…
And breathe….
Then an angel would come
With burning eyes like stars
And bury us deep
In his velvet arms
And the rain would cry
As our faces slipped away
And the rain would cry

…. Don’t let it end”

Cure “If only tonight we could sleep”


This is the song I sing sometimes to wake up the kids:

Morning its morning the curtains are shut
I’ll ring you in the morning but the phone's been cut
Can you hear me (really loud right in their ears)
I've been calling all day
Can you hear me (loud)
Ooo Can you hear me (really loud again)

I'd wish they'd fix the wires 'cause my baby don't know
That I'm leaving in the morning and I'm ready to go
Can you hear me (loud)
Can you hear me at all (loud)

Can you hear me
Ooo can you hear me

Yaz “Bad Connection”


Encouraging words from U2:

“And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
It's just a moment, this time will pass”

U2 “Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of It”

Anyone an Indigo Girls fan? I finally understand about the poster now:

…And I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance; he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free

Indigo Girls “Closer to Fine”

Did you see that part about RASPUTIN? Come on, all you Russian history buffs- who was Rasputin?

Dedicated to my youngest son:

“Don’t blame the sweet and tender hooligan
Because he’ll never, never do it again
And of course he won’t
(at least not until the next time)
So jury you’ve heard every word
But before you decide
Would you look into those “Mother-me” eyes
I love life for you, my love, you my love…
Don’t blame
The sweet and tender hooligan…”

Smiths- “Sweet and Tender Hooligan”

I have to include these lyrics to dedicate to our new little Russian daughter (I know, I know I am repeating this from a former post, but I had to include this)

…Float her basket over the sea... Here on a barren shore
We'll be waiting for... A tailwind to carry her orphan's cry
Don't you worry, child... I wrote you a lullaby
I'm gonna sing you a lullaby...Building you a home
Building you a home...We're building you a home… Selah

Newsboys “The Orphan”

This is the most common lullaby I sing to my kids. The whole song is not appropriate-I only use some of the words-

“Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I’m tired and I
I want to go to bed
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
Sing to me
Sing to me
I’m tired and I
I want to go to bed
There is another world (referring to the dream world here)
There is a better world
Well there must be
Well there must be….”

The Smiths “Asleep”

Favorite Lyrics anyone?

Labels: self help for adoptive moms, waiting for referral

Yesterday M said to me,

M: Is there anything you are excited about, or do you feel like your life is just monotonous- like you are just going through the motions?

J: There are a lot of things I am excited about. I am looking forward to spring break, our tax return, your upcoming raise, going to Russia, adopting our little girl, etc. What about you?

M: Same things.

J: Why did you ask?

M: I don’t know.

Later…

J: You know, I don’t think that it is good that we are living our lives waiting around for things that hopefully will happen sometime in the future. We should be looking forward to our lives every single day. We should wake-up excited to start the day every day…. I think that is how other people live.

M: I don’t think so. I think most people live a droned-out existence- like nameless, faceless robots going through the motions of tasks that need to be completed.

J: (I had to pause & blink a few times here) Maybe some people are like that, but I think there are a lot of people that look forward to living every day. They probably have some rituals or routines that they really like doing. For example- someone might have certain TV shows that they look forward to, or have a ritual of sitting out on their porch watching the sunset, or reading a good book or talking with their friends, or I don’t know- stuff like that.

M: I don’t think so. I think most people just get up- go to work- sleep- get up- go to work- sleep (He was going through one of his pessimistic moods- he really does more than that)

So, I am asking all of you readers- Do you look forward to your life every single day? If so, what do you look forward to? Or how are you getting through the long "wait"?

Labels: self help for adoptive moms, waiting for referral

Waiting for my adoption Referral is ENDLESS!

I need.... a bath.

I rarely take baths. We don’t have a bath in our bathroom, only a shower. The kids have a bath, but usually their bathroom is not very pleasant for me to enter. This means that if I want to take a bath I have to scrub down their bathroom first. But it is so worth it.

First I set out my clothes for the day, got my shampoo, some new soap, my razor and face wash. I got out a candle (a good smelling kind) and put it lit in the corner. I put in some bubble bath with some very warm/ borderline hot water. I closed the shower curtain and it was my own private oasis -all steamy, hot and so relaxing. My sister had given me a gift earlier of this stuff called Artistry Gel-Friction Au Sucre De La Collection Spa which I had never used yet (she just sent me this gift for no reason, how cool is that?). Anyway it is like a body scrub and smells tropical- it was so luxurious. I was just in heaven. I didn’t have music- a relaxing CD would have been nice. Sometimes though, silence is better. Either way, there is nothing like a warm bath to make you feel like a new person! Feeling stressed about adoption paperwork? Or endless waiting? I recommend it to everyone!

A bath doesn't fix everything though. Later on at church on Sunday- I was staring and smiling at this little 9 month old girl sitting on her Daddy's lap. I was looking at her way longer than a normal, regular nice person pays attention to a baby. She was dressed SO CUTE. I was very jealous. I was running through these different thoughts about how I could ask him if I could hold her.

However, the father must have thought I was some stalker, kidnapper because he eventually rushed his daughter out of the room giving me this (she's mine)look. I just smiled back weakly, apologetically. Actually he was probably not thinking anything of me. Probably it was just that I felt like a stalker/kidnapper. See what the waiting does to a person??

Labels: self help for adoptive moms

I was going to have a one month bloggy Anniversary day. The Anniversary of the day I started this blog. I was going to have a big celebration and send out expensive gifts to everyone. BUT I realized that I started this blog on January 30 and HELLO there is no February 30th, so therefore no big celebration or presents for ya’ll. Sorry.

Blame it on an Act of Parliament in the United Kingdom which specified use of the Gregorian calendar (which later spread to the U. S.) or if you need to blame a live person you can simply log onto www.FRUA.com chat. Go ahead and YELL it out there. Nobody will be alarmed. They will just acknowledge another irate, irrational FRUA member.

Actually though, FRUA chat is not that bad, and I think it is quite nice that February is short because it is so cold. March gives hope for spring and closer to the anticipated REFERRAL.

It doesn’t seem real that we will EVER get a referral or that we will EVER go to Russia or that we will EVER have a little girl in this house.

So meanwhile, to keep our minds off of this issue, let’s talk about Food. Everyone likes this subject.

Actually, I am not that in to food. I eat the same thing every single day. This way I don’t have to bother myself with thinking up new things to eat.

Jennefer’s Daily Diet

Kellogg’s “Complete” Bran Cereal with Milk
Minute Maid Orange Juice
Pepperidge Farm Whole Grain/ Honey Whole Wheat piece of bread with FF cream cheese
2 Quaker Chewy Granola Bars (the 25% less sugar variety)
Slim Fast Chocolate Shake
Strawberry Yoplait Nouriche (Yogurt Smoothie)
Banana
Water

That is what I eat every day unless we are out of bananas, and than I skip that. Our dinners vary; however, because my family is intolerant of eating the same dinner every day. They can be difficult like that.

Well, this subject hasn’t really gotten my mind off of the adoption. I am just trying to get through one day at a time - trudging through the waiting weeks as every bit of paperwork eventually expires. Here is an adoption update:

You: “So, how is your adoption coming along?”

Me: “Well… we have waited one more day since yesterday”.

You: “Weren’t you waiting for some re-accreditation thing or something? How is that going?”

Me: “I am not allowed to talk about that, but STAY TUNED….”

You: “So… are you going to a commercial now?”

Me: “No.”

You: “O.K?”

Me: “Well, I’d tell you my news now, but than I would have to egg your house.”


…. such mystery and suspense… more information to come…


Happy One Month Bloggy Anniversary anyway!!

Labels: FRUA, self help for adoptive moms

Still NO news to report… If you have news I don't have... let me know

O.K. I guess I haven’t really been using this blog as it is intended: as a weblog or online diary. The thing is- I am afraid if I actually wrote down my daily life I would bore everyone to tears. Here is what I will do- I will give you my entire weekly schedule and then you will be good to go for the next few months. You will no longer be kept in the dark on my exciting life.

(This is going to be a little difficult because M went out and purchased this strange new mouse that you control with your fingers instead of your wrist, so I will muddle through this with my pathetic finger coordination)

Schedule:

1. Read a thought or section from an uplifting or inspiring spiritual book and pray that the adoption will go through before we move, that we will receive the child that is right for our family, and blessings to all of my adoption blogger friends, etc.

2. Take care of my kids needs (grooming, clothes, homework, lessons, lunches, chores, etc.) This includes stuff needed to do for the adoption. I have conveniently included reading other adoption blogs and writing in my own here. It makes me feel like I am doing something towards the adoption besides just waiting. I know it isn’t, but just humor me.

3. Exercise/ shower I have a stash of workout videos. I am a little addicted to collecting them. I know you are all grateful for the shower part.

4. School and homework. I am currently enrolled in College Biology with its corresponding Lab. Even though school work is 4th on my priority list, I usually turn everything in last minute. A little history of me- I got an associates degree in 1994 in general education. Since then I have been a stay-at-home mom. I have also substitute taught at my kid’s school. Recently I went back to school to get a degree in Information Systems. I am in a quandary over whether or not I should enroll in school summer semester. I need 24 more credits to graduate. Going full time this could be accomplished in 2 semesters, but with 3+ kids I don’t want to try this. I will probably specialize in databases, so that I can eventually work as a DBA (Database Administrator or System Analyst).

5. Clean my house, laundry and meals. I am really into simplifying these tasks. Simplify your Life by Elaine St. James and Speed Cleaning by someone I can’t remember are great resources.

6. Read for fun. I am currently reading Obsessive Genius- The Inner World of Marie Curie by Barbara Goldsmith. If you think your life is hard, try this book. I am also listening to Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince on tape- this way I can keep up on conversations with my kids.

7. Photos. I usually submit photos monthly to an online contest(such as the photo above). This can also be quite addicting. I would tell you which site I use, except than you will see how poorly my photos do in the contests. The contest is open to any and all professionals from all over the world and lowly little me doesn’t go far. Despite this, it has been great in helping me improve my photography. They usually leave very helpful remarks. Although I have had comments such as: "Your photo sucks". However, I do get ranked much higher than when I first started.

You can see that my husband is not on my priority list. This is because he makes certain that he is somewhere near the top without me having to make any effort towards this end.

Ok- so my priorities sort of outline my schedule. Usually all of those things get some attention weekly.

I don’t know how long this schedule will last. I was informed by an individual recently that society as we know it was going to end very soon. This person (who does not want to be identified) explained to me that workers from China and India are going to overtake American society through advances in technology- the middle class will crash as we become polarized, and life will never be the same again. ( I am regretting recommending the book: The World is Flat by Thomas L. Friedman to this person who likes to warp everything in to their extremist pessimistic views of the future)

So, if society as we know it ends in the next few days, I will give you an update on how I am surviving.

Most likely; however, life will really change once a referral comes through. I know for sure that life will dramatically change at time of travel and adoption. Like you all, we are welcoming that change!

Labels: self help for adoptive moms, waiting for referral