Whether you are traveling to Russia to adopt or to bring your adopted Russian child on a cultural experience it is good to know what is useful to pack.

We traveled to Russia three times over the course of our adoption and we bought a lot of stuff that people recommended, but only some of it was really useful.

This is what I recommend

Packing list for Russia

airplane pillow
book
wallet/purse
ipod
make-up (women)
dramamine (if needed)
I.D.
necessary papers, tickets
nice shirts (everyone dresses nice there)
nice pants (shorts will make you look like a tourist)
sweater/coat (if necessary)
toiletries
socks
sandals
comfortable shoes
underclothing
pajamas
swimsuit (if wanted)
medicine (Tylenol, ibuprofen, scabies cream if adopting)
face wash/lotion
shampoo/conditioner
brush
camera (charged)
toothbrush/paste
razor
toiletries
lap top
travel voltage converter (for outlet)
video camera (charged)- If adopting, video as much of the orphanage as you can inside and out. We were too nervous/excited to film as much as we should have. The little video we have is so valuable now. Piney has watched it several times and it helps her deal with her past.


If adopting:
diapers
wipes
change of clothes for child,
child coat, gloves (if winter)
buy shoes in Russia as you won't know size
donations

Things you may not have thought of:

band-aids - ( I needed one when I was there- my feet were getting blisters from walking- and I couldn't get anyone to understand what I was talking about)

Franklin Speaking 14 Language Translator with Merriam-Webster Dictionary EST-5014- This proved invaluable in the subway when we got lost. We typed in "How do we get out of here- then the electronic thing changed it to Russian and we were able to show it to people who directed us. No one speaks English there.

If traveling in winter- super warm coats (Its freezing). I recommend Lands End coats.

Franklin Language Travel Phrase Card Translator (ET-2011 11) - we had this in actual paper cards with the translation, but I couldn't find them anymore. This looks like the same idea, yet less bulky.

We purchased a Russian cartoon in Russia and a music CD (make sure they are compatible with U.S. CD/DVD players) to play for our daughter upon her arrival home (which was 2 years old). Neither the cartoons or music ever appealed to her, but they might be something she cherishes in the future.

Piney talks incessantly.
I suspect it is not just because she is a girl, but because it is a way for her to always have all the attention on her. I am wondering if this is common among post-institutionalized children.

She mostly makes up fantastical stories about her past or her Russian parents (which in reality she never knew). She also asserts that she knows everything and can do everything. She also tries to be bossy and controlling. She wants to "help" everyone do everything. Example: "Let me put that paper in the garbage for you mom." She will grab it and put it in the trash even though I didn't want to throw away the paper. Or "Let me carry that box for you." Even though the box is bigger than her. She also talks incessantly about how she got hurt 100 times today (and every day). She is certainly a hypochondriac and plays up any little hurt to the fullest extent possible. All attention seeking activities. Although I have noticed that many of these behaviors have gotten less severe over time.

I am going to look in to this today and see what I can find out about it.

This forum thread makes me wonder if in fact it is just her personality and not a post-institutionalized issue.

"By five, they seem to talk non-stop to anyone and about everything. Bear with them and the stories that they tell again and again, and with the jokes that they are experimenting with." This quote was taken from Listening and Responding to Child Talk.

So I've been reading over several websites on this issue and the thing that doesn't sit well for me is that the adult (parent) is always put into the roll of perfection (having no issues themselves) and only the child having issues. This perfect parent then can only either be selfish (not doing everything in the child's best interest) or unselfish (making sacrifices for the child's best interest). But if a child is able to have all ranges of problem behavior which is labeled as not being their fault, why is the parent not allowed to have any problem behavior? For example- I don't like a lot of affection from people. It gives me anxiety. It can even make me feel panic. So consequently the amount of affection I give to my kids is limited. That may feel bad to them, but it is an issue of mine that you can't just dismiss as selfish. It might be something that I would need long term therapy to unravel. At the same time my avoidance of affection to control my anxiety might be causing anxiety in Piney. But this is only a single issue. There might be a myriad of issues that parents have that most articles about child rearing, especially child rearing of an adopted child completely ignore or label as "bad".

Also, parents are told to always listen patiently to every nonsensical sentence a child says, yet what if no one is listening to the parent? Or what if no one really listened to the parent her or his whole life? Can a person really give more than they received? What if a post-institutionalized child grows up and becomes a parent? What if he or she didn't get the perfect care? Is she or he not allowed to have any more issues at that point?

Anyway- sorry to go off on that tangent, but it is something that has always bothered me. That because adults are older they should no longer have any issues (if they do they are "bad' or "selfish" parents) and young children are allowed to have any and every issue without being called "bad".

This site makes me wonder if Piney has RAD. She fits perfectly under the Anxious Child category:

Symptoms of RAD that Piney has

Often avoids eye contact with parents, on normal terms (although this is getting better)

Persistent nonsense questions and incessant chatter

Lying about the obvious (crazy lying)

Stealing  (she takes candy, and other little things that belong to us or her brothers and hides them around her room)

Accident prone

Abnormal eating patterns (she eats fine, but she refuses to eat dinner every night just before she eats all of her dinner. It is very strange. "I don't want any dinner! I'm not going to eat any of it!" Then she sits down at the table nicely and eats all of it with little coersion. This happens often, sometimes every night.

No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive). (She can't even watch TV for more than 15 minutes).

Lags in learning (She is a bit behind the other kids, but not enough to be held back. She is constantly asking the teacher for help. I think another way to get attention.)

Abnormal speech patterns (She does have speech delay and speech problems even though she has had extensive speech therapy)

Poor peer relationships (She does have a self-esteem issue, and sometimes kids are mean to her, but she also makes friends easily so I don't know if this one applies)

Lack of cause-and-effect thinking (I keep telling her that if she does something bad usually a bad affect follows, but she doesn't seem to always connect this process).

The Anxious Children –

• Tend to be overly clingy, showing extreme separation anxiety when separated from their mothers (She was like this for 3 years but it is getting much less now)
• Incessantly chatters to control conversation
• Appear to be eager to please and are superficially compliant.
• Are often passive aggressive, constantly doing little things wrong, but never doing anything really bad, but frazzling the parents patience and control.

In many ways Piney acts very mature for her age. She is street smart and very observant. She is extrememly talented with physical ability. She is athletic, rode a bike right away, tied her shoes in a few tries, skateboards, etc. She remembers everything I say although she doesn't always choose to follow it. I don't worry about her at all when she goes outside to play because she is very quick and sharp. She has a lot of common sense. But I'm not sure what to do about these other issues. I wonder if they will simply go away over time since I have seen a marked improvement over the years. I also wonder how much of it is related to her age.

Mothers Day is coming and so I decided to participate in the MOMMY AND ME HAIR pic project in honor of the day (Thanks Debbie for the info). It is a project where you submit a photo of you and your child with matching hairstyles.

I am normally blond, but I died my hair with a non-permanent dye and so for a little while Pineapple Princess and I could have matching hair. It is not the most flattering on me, but it is fun nonetheless.

I knew that having matching hair and getting our photo together would make Piney happy. She likes to know how she is similar to any member of our family. This is one way that she feels like she belongs. Periodically I will point out things that are the same between her and me or her and other family members.

Nobody likes to feel like the odd one out and so it is especially reassuring to adopted children to feel included and part of the family. So join in the project if you like (hurry! Deadline is today) or check out the final project on Mothers day and make your child feel special.

The best time to obtain keepsake items for your Russian child such as this Haba Russian House is when you are in Russia.

Souvenirs (such as nesting dolls), items from the orphanage, a Russian newspaper are all good ideas.

But Russia is not the only place to purchase items for your child that help them hold on to their culture and country.

One of the first things we purchased for our daughter before even bringing her home was a Anna Speaks Russian Doll. She speaks a few Russian phrases when you press her palm and knee. At six-years old our daughter really cherishes the doll.



You can purchase many Russian toys online. Check out these stores:

The Russian Store

RusToys

Adopted From Russia store

Matrioshka Wooden Toy shop

Kids Culture Center

International Toys

From Russia

Some people find shopping from Amazon the most convenient. Click on a photo for more about that product.

Traditional Nesting Dolls

Russian Barbies

Russian Alphabet blocks

Russian Dora

Russian Tank

Talking Russian Doll "Inna"

Russian Plane

The Best Russian Adoption stories for April 2011

• From Russia, to Love: Maria Comes Home Part 1 and Part 2

• Adoption Increasingly Crosses Racial, Ethnic Lines

Hot sauce for lying: Treat to Russian kids in America

• I Wish I Had Known

I raised my daughter for five years thinking she was just a normal kid. But at five, she started stealing things, hording food, defacing property, and she became a master at the circular argument. Everyone she met thought she was an angel, I thought she was a devil child. She was praised and I was scorned as a parent. After three years of failed therapy, Elle was finally diagnosed with RAD. As much as the diagnosis scared me, I was excited because maybe we stood a chance of saving her.

• Protecting Russia’s orphans

A new agreement between Russia and the United States on adoptions will be signed in May, but real hope for Russia's orphans can only begin with changes at home.


US parents keep abusing Russian foster children on the brink of new treaty


Saving Ian -- Couple dreams of adopting special needs boy, but needs financial help


When Children's Books and Movies Misrepresent Adoption


Tips for the Adoption Process


Rescued from 'Living Hell,' Russian Boy Found Home in Bethlehem


Building Families is 'Great Opportunity' for Russian program coordinator Alla Dickson she says she is blessed to be an ambassador for adoption.
"Adoption is a chance for people to create balance in the world by taking care of orphans...
The adoption process is a great opportunity, and even an adventure, but also an experience that can take clients on an exhaustive emotional roller-coaster ride. “One moment you are hopeless, and then next, so excited".... “It builds families as well as global connectedness.”


To conclude check out this sweet moment here .

If you are thinking about adopting from Russia and are wondering what the process might look like- here is a brief overview and rough time estimate.

First year

Start discussing adoption. Things to consider: gender, age, nationality, etc. 

Start researching adoption agencies. Make sure your agency is accredited and won't be losing accreditation soon. Email and call the agency with questions ( also see here). Become a member of FRUA. Buy books about adopting from Russia (I recommend: The Russian Adoption Handbook: How to Adopt from Russia, Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Bulgaria, Belarus, Georgia, Azerbaijan and Moldova ). Realize that you can not move to a new home during the adoption process which may take up to two years.

Choose an adoption agency. Get your home ready for the homestudy. Make sure you will have met all of the requirements. Take photos of each room of your house and yard.

Gather the required paperwork for the dossier (takes up to a year to compile) to be turned into your agency. The agency will submit this to the country for approval and then you will wait for a referral (could take up to 8 months).

Second year

After receiving your referral you will wait  0-3 months to travel to meet your referral child in Russia. If you accept the child you will return 0-6 months later to travel back to Russia for the required court date.

It is a lot of hurry up and wait. Good luck!

Do you see that sad look in Piney's eyes in the photo?

We get that some times. She seems to be a happy, independent child all the time, but once in a while you get a glimpse of an underlining sadness that no one can touch.

She did go through an episode of crying over her Russian birth mother for a few days - so much so that she couldn't sleep, but she seemed to get over it.

I fear that she buries a lot of her pain, yet it is difficult to talk to her about it. I think the trauma that she went through as a child abandoned to an unloving hospital and a sparse orphanage and then taken away by strangers who speak a strange language to a new environment and culture is just too much for little emotions to handle. Although many do handle it O.K.

She went through a long imaginary friends phase and she is still hanging on to an imaginary reality. This is why it is difficult to talk to her about her hidden pain because she makes things up constantly. She is always telling us elaborate stories about her Russian mom and dad and their amazing life. Also, she has an amazing life herself wherein she knows everything and can do everything. If I try to talk to her about how she feels, she says she feels great, but once in a while she admits that sometimes her brain feels sick.

For the most part she is very well behaved now. I think the hardest years are behind us, at least until she becomes a teenager (knock on wood), but I find it to be a good sign that she wants to please us and her teachers. Any suggestions for dealing with her hidden pain?