1. I study “how to be a good mom” books one hour each day (Do adoption books count?)
2. I bake healthy treats for special surprises (I microwave popcorn sometimes)
3. I scrub my home daily, my toilets all sparkle (my toilets will sparkle when we move out)
4. I pray for each child’s needs (I try to focus before I fall asleep)
5. I always speak to my little ones gently and sweetly (Hmmmm)
6. I volunteer in my kids classrooms (Is this really, really important?)
7. I sign my kids up for all kinds of opportunities (one extra activity per child is max)
8. I drive them all over to practice (driving is what I like least about parenting)
9. I cut all their hair (O.K. I do this, but I forget to have them cut their nails)
10. I do everything according to priorities (I set priorities, but I forget to refer to them)
11. I play the piano (NO)
12. I bless with my talents (I am still trying to identify my talents)
13. My checkbooks all balance (Is this possible when adopting?)
14. Each week every child gets a one-on-one date (I will pass the bill to M for this)
15. I am always on time, never late (I get congratulated each time)
16. My toenails are polished- I always look beautifully groomed for my DH (about every three or four days)
17. I track my bad habits until each is abolished (What- me have bad habits?)
18. My family's clothes are all ironed (What decade is this?)
19. Our family times are always delightful (Yeah, and no one ever fights or disagrees with each other either)
20. I help my kids ahead with their school work- The lessons I give are both fun and insightful (I usually give my kids the wrong answer or information in regards to their school work because I have no idea what they are studying about half the time- I can’t remember that stuff)
21. I rise each day early, refreshed and awake (You mean groggy and tired)
22. I know all the names of each youth in my neighborhood (Yeah- whats-his-name who lives next door)
23. I help all my neighbors (We eat their eggs we ask for on a regular basis)
24. I bless the community, too, with my labors (I don’t litter)
25. I cook menus gourmet (If it can be microwaved or cooked in 10 minutes or less)
26. I chart resolutions and check off each goal (The last time I did this was in Sunday School in 1986)
27. I write in my journal (Does blogging count?)
28. I sing in the choir (M does, I can’t sing)
29. Each day, I write "thank you's" to those I admire (Thank you to all of you readers, I admire you- See, I did it)
30. My sons are all Eagle scouts (O.K. they are in scouts, but this standard is high)
31. My kid’s get straight A's (Of course, they are rocket scientists and brain surgeons in the making)
32. Their bedrooms are clean (I think you can find carpet in there if you look carefully for a clearing)
33. I have a home business to help make some money (No, I bring in nothing. I even tried volunteering for pay to be the guinea pig for scientific medical research and they rejected me)
34. I change our car's tires and I fix our sink's leak (Yeah, by calling the local fix it man, actually I tell M to call)
35. I have all our meals planned out six months ahead (M is always asking me what I have planned for dinner tonight and my response is to just look at him and blink, or get upset that he asked: Don't expect me to think that far ahead)
36. My shopping for Christmas is done by July (Maybe if I had a million gazillion dollars I would shop for Christmas all year and hand out lavish gifts to all my bloggy friends- wouldn’t that be fun?)

Labels: self help for adoptive moms