The reason that I don't feel as bad as I thought I would feel passing my goal day is because now that my six-month wait has past, my referral really, really, really should come any day now.

I have this little excited feeling inside that now my referral HAS to come. This week might be it guys.

Before my six-month wait I was just hoping that it would come early, but now that it is over due I feel actually happier and more excited than before.

I WAS feeling kind of depressed on Friday, disapointed that I didn't get it before my goal day, worried that it was never coming and that something was wrong, but I have talked myself out of that- and your comments certainly helped.

So now there is no where to go except to just accept our referral will be coming so so fast- and after waiting this long, just a little bit more shouldn't be too bad.

I will just have to keep my mind on other things and then "boom" we will have it.

Now if our "boom" never "booms" after a few weeks, you might see me singing a different tune.

I might have to go and toilet paper Russia. Anyone willing to join me? :)

Labels: Russian Adoption, waiting for referral

It is June 24, 2006. My goal day. My six-month mark.

No News. No referral.

It is Saturday, so I am really not expecting to hear anything today. I am beginning to worry that the Russians have rejected us. Perhaps they are thinking we are not a good match for any of their little girls.

Perhaps something is wrong with our dossier.

I AM wearing shorts in one of my dossier pictures. That might be making them think I will not be a good mother.

Maybe they don’t like my unsophisticated American smile…


I spent a long time sitting in Pineapple’s not-cute bedroom yesterday (thanks for all the help with that BTW).

I sat in there by myself holding Pineapple’s little Russian Anna doll and pushing her talk buttons.

Anna told me that she loved me over and over.

“I Love You. Ya-tebyA-lyublyU (Я тебя люблю )”

It was good.

Labels: Russian Adoption, waiting for referral

I know this is an extra post for today, but I had to get out how I was feeling. Have you ever been at a doctor’s appointment waiting in the waiting room and although you checked in your name when you came in it was somehow skipped over? This has happened to me a few times. After waiting and waiting there for a long time and seeing people who came after me go into their appointment while still sitting there I start getting this horrible feeling. Then I see people who came in after me leaving. Am I invisible?

One time I waited in a doctor’s waiting room until the place was closing. I finally went up to the desk holding back tears I had been waiting so long. They told me I should have spoken up, but I checked in! When you check in you assume they have your name on the list and they will call you.

This has happened to me in other places. Once I was at Subway and the person making the sandwiches actually helped the person on both sides of me and on down the line. She totally skipped me. That particular day I was so upset from something that had happened earlier that I totally lost it. I started to yell at the workers, “Hello! Can I get some service here! You are helping those three people down from me before me!” I totally started to cry in the store. Of course the manager freaked out and everyone was jumping over themselves to help me at that point and they gave me coupons for free meals in the future, etc., etc. But I couldn’t even order I just sat down and M had to order for me.

I guess I am invisible sometimes.

This is how I feel about getting a referral. I have been waiting 6 months minus 9 days since my dossier was accepted. I started this process in January 2005. That is when we decided to adopt and started doing the preliminary stuff. We then had to actually move to a new house to get homestudy approval. It was so hard. And now I sit here crying at my computer because I have been sitting in the waiting room for so long. For 1 ½ years and I am starting to get that horrible feeling that I have been overlooked again. That even though I checked in they missed my name.

My new daughter’s room sits empty. Everyone we see asks about the adoption, but now they say stuff like, “So you decided not to do that anymore?” or “So adoptions are totally stopped in Russia?” or “I thought you would have your little one by now.” or “What happened with that adoption thing I thought you guys were doing.” I just smile weakly and say, “Oh we were just pretending about the adoption thing. We thought it made us look cool. So, yah, forget we ever mentioned it. AND please go away.” No, I don’t say that. I just think it.

Sorry, about rambling on. I am just feeling horrible. Kinda like I can’t breathe.

Labels: waiting for referral

I have decided to listen to Mary's advice about my referral. She said, "Keep busy. The things you wait for come when you least expect it and have stopped thinking about them...even if just for a moment."

I suppose it is like watching cold water heat up and boil. It will never boil if you look at it, only if you busy yourself with other things. So today I am thinking about summer and our possible summer plans. I am going to pretend that we are not even going to Russia. That way it will be an unexpected surprise. So today’s list is some possible summer activities. I think what I will do is get a big calendar and write everything down so everyone can see it. I think it is important that we have stuff to look forward to. Keep in mind that these activities are in addition to summer camp, karate (Adam and Conner) and swimming lessons (Braden). Let me know if you have any ideas to add to this list.

Summer Activity Ideas

1. Try some new summer recipes
2. Take the kids to an amusement park
3. Volunteer at the Ronald McDonald House
4. Make a movie with the kids
5. Go to an outdoor market to buy fresh produce
6. Give the kids lots of chores (lawn mowing, vacuuming, cleaning)
7. Give the kids summer homework packets
8. Play family board games
9. Play croquet
10. Get together with extended family
11. Swim at the local water parks
12. Take photographs- experiment, let kid’s try
13. Art supplies- do something creative
14. Celebrate holidays
15. Family Trip
16. Library for summer reading for all
17. Work on photo albums
18. Appreciate the ordinary


Do you have any summer time memories that you remember to be really special? Any favorite vacation spots?

Labels: fun family activities, waiting for referral

17 days and counting and the wait is making me crazier.

The truth is I AM feeling witch-ier than usual as we get closer to my goal day with no referral. So if it gets to be too much for you just throw a bucket of water on your computer and I will melt- thanks for putting me out of my misery. (Side note: You will also have to purchase a new computer for yourself, but what a great time to upgrade.)

You know, if June 24th comes and goes with no referral I will have to convert over to the dark side (Yes, Darth Vader has been calling for me at night- “Let your impatience over take you…”).

Don’t worry, if my goal day passes; I will try to use my words instead of my fists. No pounding holes into the walls or making cute designs with sharp knives in the kitchen table. I will take deep breaths and meditate into a better place.

But this stuff will only work for a short time; I can’t go on imagining my better place indefinitely. In other words, the clock is ticking…
-------------------------------------------------------


Note: Today's plan is to clean my house thoroughly. Someone told me a couple of days ago that if you feel helpless to control a situation, or if your life feels out of control at all then the solution is to clean your house really well. You will then feel at least a sense of control over your environment, and you will feel better about everything. So, today I am going to try this experiment and see if it works.

(Irrational Private Thoughts- cleaning my house will some how bring me closer to a referral, if it doesn't then experiment failed.)

Labels: waiting for referral

O.K. I am ready now. I am getting immunized for Russia (tetanus- diphtheria, Hepatitis A &B) today. I have my packing list and I have even packed ahead. I have read enough books and articles on adoption and Russia to last a life time. I have been taking the online adoption course. So…

Where is my referral? 24 days folks. My goal day is June 24th. If I don’t get a referral by then I will

a. go on a Gandhi like starvation diet
b. burst into flames
c. click my heels together 5 times
d. twirl around and around until I get so dizzy I fall down
e. hug everyone I know and cry on their shoulder
f. suck it up

O.k. if you picked choice f than you win a prize. However, you will have to be present at the next claw machine that M encounters to pick it up. Only those present can claim their prize. Sorry, no refunds or exchanges. Thanks for playing.

Seriously though- I am counting down the days- And don’t tell me not to set a goal day- that I am just setting myself up for disappointment because- It’s my party and I can cry if I want to- AND I am trying to be a little optimistic here.

We all need to look for those shining lights at the end of the tunnel.

Labels: waiting for referral

As I have mentioned before, M does not want to buy any toys for Pineapple until after we have received a referral, so that he can believe our adoption is really going to happen. He knows however, that I would like to go shopping now, for everything that she might ever possibly need.

You also need to know that M has a problem with not being able to “just say no” to game machines and amusement park games. We always go home from amusement parks with a myriad of items that he has won. After the last amusement park we came home with a giant bouncy ball (almost as big as my seven-year-old), a blow up ball and chain and a hard baseball cap. This (junk in my opinion) is very exciting for my kids who egg him on to win more. Now you have the background.

So- we go into Denny’s the other day and M eyes the claw machine. It is the game where you try to claw a stuffed animal to win. I see him look it over and I give him my usual disapproving look. He turns to me and says, “Don’t you want some stuffed animals for Pineapple? I thought you wanted some toys for her.” This is a low blow, so I have to give in. While I sit in the booth, M and the kids try to win a stuffed animal for Pineapple. And guess what? They come back with the cutest stuffed dog (below).



Then we sit there for awhile and I can see that M is not satisfied. He is getting antsy. He turns to me. “Don’t you think that Pineapple would like more than one stuffed animal?” I have to admit that as a young girl I had a very large collection of stuffed animals. I concede. Off he goes with the kids to try to win again.

They come back shortly and the kids are excited, “We won again!! We won a bear!!” they cry, “...but there is a little problem with it. The bear’s hat says #1 Dad and he is also an AXE murderer!”
“Wonderful.” I say




Photo of the Teddy Bears golf club... I mean axe (to cut down trees of course)

Labels: M, waiting for referral

The latest news from my agency was: “We expect to match all our dossier-ready families over the next couple of months” so that sounds promising. By tomorrow we will have waited officially 5 months. I am hoping that we will receive a referral sometime in the next few weeks. I really feel ready for the first trip. I do not feel quite ready for the second trip and for bringing her home. I still don’t completely understand what I need to do to prepare for that- especially all of the post adoption stuff I need to do (i.e. testing with her pediatrician, re-adoption, social security number, attachment stuff, toddler needs, post placements etc.) I am working on getting a better hold on everything I need to know. I am glad that I will have some time in-between trips to get this sorted out. I am anxious about meeting our daughter for the first time. I just don’t know how I will feel or she will feel. I want to feel a connection, but I know it might take some time.

Every time I think of the moment I will meet her or the moment we can take her out of the court room as officially ours I get butterflies in my stomach. Of course I don’t know what she looks like so I imagine her- and she looks different every time. Sometimes I dream about how she looks. Again, always different.


My biggest fear is the lack of sleep I know that is going to come. Right now I can just fall asleep and take a nap whenever I feel tired. I can sleep all the way through the night and no one wakes me up (for the most part). I know that this luxury will end with a new toddler in the house. I think it is so hard to be tired and sleepy and not be able to sleep. It isn’t that you just aren’t able to sleep- it’s that you have to be tired and then cope with life and all that is going on around you and at the same time try to stay cheerful. I know there will be some tough adjustments at first. It is hard to mentally prepare for this, but I believe over time the rough edges will smooth out and she will be able to integrate in to our family. I am very excited for this new personality to come in to our home!

Labels: Russian Adoption, waiting for referral

Something that really helps me get through the long adoption wait is having a few good CDs on hand. Music really can soothe the savage waiter. Here are a few of my favorite CDs from my music collection. You can click on the name to get the reviews and listen to clips. However, you may enjoy a different type of music. In the comment section let us know what your favorite CD or CDs are right now.

My Favorites (in order)

1.X&Y by Coldplay

2.Final Straw by Snow Patrol

3.Hopes and Fears by Keane

4.Hot Fuss by Killers (Not appropriate for kids)

5.Back to Bedlam by James Blunt (Clean Version)

6.Garden State (Soundtrack)

7.Inverted World by the Shins (If you like Garden State)

8. Life For Rent and No Angel by Dido


My Favorite (Christian music)

1. Adoration and Devotion by Newsboys

2.Jennifer Knapp: A Diamond in the Rough (The Collection)

3.Worship by Michael W. Smith

4. Who We Are Instead by Jars of Clay

5. Make A Joyful Noise by the Mo Tab Choir

Labels: waiting for referral

------------------------------------------

On to the cool sighting topic of today- I have found a new favorite Russia website. It is called waytorussia.net.

Here are some of the useful web pages from it:

Useful facts about Russia - practical advice

Planning a Trip to Russia: practical advice, health, customs regulations, and more...

Russian Character and Customs

Health and Safety advice for Russia

Passing the Russian Customs

Practical advices about money in Russia

Internet access

Telephones, Post, Courier Services in Russia

Prepaid Telephone Cards Information

Prepaid Telephone Cards to Purchase

What to do in case of emergency in Russia

Travel Advice for Women in Russia

Russian language tutorial & online phrasebook

Video about a day in the city of Moscow

Introduction to Moscow and City's Highlights

Transportation in Moscow / Getting Around

Moscow Metro Map

Central Areas of Moscow: Tverskaya, Arbat, Kitay Gorod, Parks

Eating Out in Moscow, Russia: The Best Restaurants and Cafes

Moscow Entertainment: What's On Listings, Clubs, Theaters, Cinemas, Sport Activities

Moscow Sightseeing: From Kremlin to Contemporary Art

Another site I found useful was this:
Conversion Charts



Let me know if this was helpful. Thanks!

Labels: Russian Adoption, waiting for referral

Here are my TO DO lists for the first part of the adoption. If you think I should be doing something that I am not thinking about, please let me know so I can add it or if you think there is something on here that is unnecessary- let me know. If you would like to copy it for yourself, please do. Thanks…

Things to do while waiting:
Check all dates to make sure nothing has expired, or will be in a month or two.
Homestudy (expires one year)
Fingerprints (expires 15 months)
BCIS approval (expires 18 months)
Passports (must be valid 6 months from court date?)
Copy 4 Visa applications, print in Block letters, leave off 8, 10-13, 15, 16, 39 for later, sign
Take passport photos, print and sign the back of each photo
Staple 2 photos to corner of application
4 applications (2 each person)
Come up with a list of tentative names for child, decide on one
Start collecting needed items to pack
Collect orphanage donations and caregiver gifts
Check out the CDC website: http://www.cdc.gov/travel/easteurp.htm#vaccines
Get immunized for travel



AFTER REFERRAL
Ask agency if all requirements have been made for this child to be adopted, i.e, relatives notified and seen by Russian families, the child has been on the database for the required time, the termination of parental rights document signed

Call IA doc to review medical record

Notarize and sign documents to accept child

Check travel health at https://www.tripprep.com/scripts/main/topframeset.asp?DocID=destina_full-

Email consulMo@state.gov or call Embassy in Moscow to confirm the INS (BCIS 797-C) cable has arrived 011-7-095-956-4231, Tel: +7 (495) 728-5000 (Moscow is 8 hours ahead of Washington) Emergency after hours: 728-5025 (bring confirm email)

Complete any extra paperwork

Gather visa application with passport, cover letter, photos (check date of passport- has to be valid 6 months after visa expire date) Visa- one extra day cushion before coming back. Fill out #8, 10-13, 15, 16, 39.

Call various travel agencies for best fares. Ask for adoption fare. Lisa highly recommended Red Star Travel in Seattle- they take care of the visa (Flights that arrive in Russia in morning have shorter lines at customs, etc.)
(Find out if we need single entry, double entry, and what processing speed- processing speed does not include days needed for submission and delivery)Single entry is most probable unless really short wait between trips. When receive visa check if it is completely correct- return if wrong dates, etc. put with passport to pack. Make sure don’t stop over in places needing visa, Confirm travel dates with program coordinator before buying tickets
(consider refundable tickets)

Contact parents and family members

Get work days off as soon as we know travel dates

Call bank and tell them we need brand new bills yr 2000 or newer: mostly $100 bills, with a small amount in $20s and even less in $10s, $5s and $1s (Ask agency for recommended amount) Divide money between 2 money belts- put money in envelopes for specific purposes, keep dollars handy out of money belt

Pack for first trip:
Carry on: I.D.,medical insurance cards, prepaid calling card/access # or rent a cell phone, notebook with papers (see list below), snacks for pockets, Medicine: “No jet lag" pills, melatonin, vitamins, aspirins, allergy pills, money, book, camera, battery chargers, antibiotics, Imodium, hand lotion, sanitizer, kleenex, notebook and pens, towelettes, Tylenol, Motrin, Pepto bismol, Dramamine, sunglasses, video camera, airplane pillow, warm socks, clean change of socks, underwear and a clean t-shirt, toothbrush and toothpaste

Luggage: Baby wipes refill, Disposable camera to leave at orphanage (labeled), Portable Alarm, 220 Converter, Orphanage Donations: baby lotion, diaper rash ointment, developmental toys, toothbrushes, towels, bibs, blankets, new clothing, shoes, A bunch of lollipops, goldfish, balloons to blow up, one toy to leave with child, casual clothes (2-3 outfits each- layers), one nicer outfit each, electric fan, sunscreen, insect repellent, garbage bags for dirty clothes, small personal fan, , small regular pillow, sheet, small febreeze spray, small portable voice recorder, umbrella, pajamas, under clothing, shaving gear, soap, deodorant, small flashlight/ radio

Lisa's tip: Don't take one of those rolling suitcases that supposedly fits in the overhead bin. The bins fill up too fast and you end up having to planeside check it anyway. Take a backpack (Eddie Bauer) or bag with a long strap that can go across your chest (hands free).

Keep paperwork in organized booklet in carry on, include; phone numbers of contacts (facilitator, agency in States, agency in country, US Embassy, phone number, email address of Congress rep- copy for each person), itinerary and instructions from agency, plane tickets/airline or travel agent phone #, calling card/access number, passports & copies/visas & copies/custom forms, extra passport photos,, I-171-H & US Embassy confirmation, Questions to ask at children’s home & copy of medical record, map of Moscow and region and tourist sites, notebook paper, foreign currency exchange chart & chart that converts centimeters and kilograms. Phone number/email of pediatrician or IA doc, name and address of hotel, chart with normal child development milestones (normal delay is one month for every 3 months in orphanage, Have a metric conversion table handy: Multiply 2.2: 2.8kg X 2.2 lb./ = 6.16 lb or 2800 gm = 2.8 kg, Length 30 cm = 11.81 inches, 35 cm = 13.7, 40 cm = 15.7 in, 50 cm = 19.7, 70 cm = 27.5 in (45 cm = 45 X .3937 = 17.7 in), page with simple Russian words and phrases with English translation that might come in handy (to practice on the plane), card with money for driver, Other phone numbers: US Embassy 7-095-728-5000, American Citizens 7-095-728-5577, emergency 7-095-728-5577 or after 6PM 7-095-728-5990, 01 fire, 02 police, 03 ambulance

Check weather in region for when traveling

Check travel advisory www.travel.state.gov, www.state.gov

Recharge camera batteries

Power of attorney form- incase one parent has to leave early for emergency

Call credit card company to let them know the amount of money will be spending in Russia and when will be there (if using credit card to pay for hotel)

Check if Russian holidays over days traveling www.russianembassy.gov

Weigh and measure luggage if wanted- check guidelines

Stop mail; newspaper

Confirm flights with airport

Write kid’s schedules for while we are gone/ information, kid’s medical cards, power of attorney for medical emergency, leave a copy of our passports and visas with babysitters

Ready

Labels: Russian Adoption, waiting for referral

Rhonda’s new blog names for her referral children : "Bonnie and Clyde” have made me think about our new bloggy name for our daughter to be.

We have decided to name her: Pineapple, our Pineapple Princess.

If you have ever heard the song Pineapple Princess by Annette Funicello you know the tune:

Here is her song:

"Pineapple princess", we call you Pineapple princess all day
As we play the ukulele on the hill above the bay
"Pineapple princess, we love you, you're the sweetest girl we've
seen"
"And some day we’re going to meet you and you'll be our pineapple queen"

…We'll all settle down in a bamboo hut
And you’ll be our own little coconut
Then we'll all be happy as we can be
With our very own sweet princess royalty...

Labels: Russian Pineapple Princess: our adopted daughter, waiting for referral

We have news- we found out that we will be adopting from the Bryansk region. Here are a few things I read about the area from FRUA comments:

“It's a very quaint town and the orphanages are supposed to be very good. The town of Klintsy is extremely poor. Most adoptions in the Oblast (ie, "province") of Bryansk are due to poverty. They call the children the Bryansk Beauties. It is a 6-7 hr train ride from Moscow- SW, near Ukraine.”

I was a little concerned, though, when I typed in Bryansk in the search engine for the first time and the top link that came up was www.chernobyl.info . Yes, Bryansk was (is still) affected by the Chernobyl incident. According to this article the Bryansk region was the Russian region MOST affected by the radioactive fallout.

It is interesting that I found out that we will be adopting from that region on May 2, 2006 and April 26, 2006 marked the 20th anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster. Also, I just finished my final school paper on April 28 on Environmental Problems, specifically mentioning health problems and referring to the Chernobyl disaster. At the same time I have been reading the book: Obsessive Genius, The Inner World of Marie Curie. (I had actually started the book a while ago, but was too busy to finish it before it was due back at the library, so I just recently rechecked it out a couple of weeks ago). And of course, Marie Curie discovered Radium. I highly recommend this book by the way. The question I have now is- is this a coincidence or is God trying to tell me something? Am I supposed to be learning something here? . Maybe God is just trying to tell me that this is where we are supposed to be. Everything that I have read about helping the kids in that area have been the same: The only proven way to save the children from the ravages of the Chernobyl radioactive contamination is to remove them from the area permanently. It sounds like the most common lingering affect is thyroid cancer.

I think it would do us all some good to remember and to realize that the affects still linger. See UNICEF’s recent photo essay here.

See article here

Labels: FRUA, Russian Adoption, waiting for referral

For the most part M is a clean person. He never leaves his clothes about. He cleans up after he eats anything and he just doesn’t make messes in general. He enjoys organizing the recycling bin and our grocery cart. In fact, I am not allowed to put items in the grocery cart when shopping with him because I might mess up his organized plan for arranging the items in the cart (to maximize space). I have to hand the item directly to him and then he will put it in.

However, his organizational interest, for some reason, does not cover his medical books and papers. These are scattered all over our bedroom floor, on his side of the bed. I have been told that I am not allowed to move this mess. Apparently he is able to locate what he needs easily as long as the mess stays exactly like it is.

Recently; however, I mentioned to him that every time I have ever been in any other home and have seen the adult’s bedroom- it is clean. The floor is never cluttered with books and papers. You may be thinking to yourself, well- they just cleaned up before I saw the room, but as you recall, I am not allowed to clean up this mess for any reason- guest, or no guest. So, we decided on a solution- we would purchase a new book case for our bedroom.

So, today we spent several hours going from store to store looking for the ideal bookcase for our room. We finally found it. It was a sort of modular, abstract book case, but I found it to be high quality, the right color, etc. So we got a store worker to help us out. He stood there for a long time while we debated over whether this was the bookcase for us or not. We decided that we could purchase some wicker type baskets to go on the shelves to hold papers and then just put the books in. So after a great deal of discussion we told him that we wanted it. He said that he would have it all ready to go for us at the front counter. So off he went to get it ready for us. We tried out some various shaped baskets and determined all was well with the book case.

Then it dawned on me. In a few months we are going to have a toddler in the house. You can’t have an open book shelf full of stuff with a toddler in the house. She will just toddle in to our room and get into everything she can reach. Eventually, all of our organized baskets and piles will be all over the floor. Only the things on the very top shelves will survive and that is just not enough room for everything.

I realized that I needed to completely change my way of thinking and think like a toddler. We needed an armoire, not a book shelf. It has to be closable and lockable. I started to think about all of our lower kitchen cabinets and how everything needed to be moved or locked up. Where am I going to put everything? I started to think about how our lives are going to change. It doesn’t seem real. How easy it was for me to not think about the potential problems of an open book case because it is just so quiet on the adoption front. It is not like delivering a baby with the 9 month count down. It is a lot of work and anticipation and then the wait is just quiet for so long- at least it is at this house. No paperwork, no news, no nothing. Just the silent wait that makes me feel like it is never going to happen.

But being the optimistic people we are, we brought home an armoire.

Labels: waiting for referral, what to buy for your adopted child

I started to think about how the adoption process. We can either grumble through it- whine about it- stress about it, etc. or we can take on the challenge and make it through to accomplish everything that needs to be done. Adoption can push us to the edge. So can child rearing sometimes, but this is what is so great about it. The challenge can help us feel alive and vital.

We are doing a good thing here. We are making a difference- doing something in the world that matters. I hope, if you are feeling like you can’t go on, or you want to quit, that you can make it through. Take on the challenge. Think of it as a race and you just need to get to the finish line. Just push yourself a little bit longer, and while you are at it- enjoy the journey.
_________________________________________

Labels: waiting for referral

We have 6 seats at our kitchen table. This means that one chair is always empty. You would think that I would just remove this chair (our table is a large oval) but I just leave it and think about our child who belongs in that chair is missing.

We also installed an extra seat in the back of the car for her. Not to mention her empty bedroom. It is strange to have all of these empty places where a child should be eating, playing and riding along with us.

Somebody told me that a good reason to have an even number of kids is so no one rides alone at amusement parks. I know this is silly, but I think about this sometimes.

I feel like I miss her and I don’t even know her.

Labels: waiting for referral

It is rainy and it is Monday, so I had to write a bad day post.

You know it is going to be a bad day when:

(A Few of My Real Life Personal Bad Day Scenarios)

• I can’t find the lid to the blender, so I try using my hands.
• My husband or best friend has something really stressful coming up and is taking it out on me.
• I open the dishwasher and the “clean” dishes are covered with dried black spots from an unknown source.
• My husband or child has deleted my emails and/or phone messages before I had a chance to check them out.
• I forget to be my child’s tooth fairy AGAIN.
• Well-intentioned people are telling me what to do all day.
• Everyone is painfully aware that the laundry hasn’t been done in a while.
• My favorite jeans are feeling tight.
• I see the photos that my friend took of me at an event and I think to myself, “No way that’s me.”
• I am serving leftovers for the third night in a row.
• I am super tired and about to fall asleep when I suddenly remember some horrible chore that absolutely has to be done tonight
• My child uses our broken toilet
• I am sentenced to a life wherein I can no longer compile lists

Very Possible Adoption Bad Day Scenarios (now this is real- no jokes!)

• You just get home from traveling several hours to get documents apostilled and your agency calls and says, “Hi, we need just one more document apostilled.” You finally get that document completed and your agency says, “Oh, just one more thing.”
• You look at your adoption fund and you see the balance is close to zero, with thousands of dollars still due.
• You lose your first referral
• Long lost grandma or relative decides to drop by and visit (delay), your child right before your court date
• Your luggage that was supposed to meet you in Russia is headed for Japan
• A flight delay causes you to miss your court date which is then rescheduled a couple of months away
• Your driver doesn’t show up at the airport
• Even though you made hotel reservations, they say they are all booked up and you can’t find a hotel room available anywhere except at Cockroach Motel.
• You get mugged, you use a compromised ATM or your credit card gets illegally skimmed
• Your electrical adapter doesn’t work
• You accidentally drink the water you are not used to and get really sick
• You have been in- country so long you are starting to get addicted to foreign language soap operas
• You must travel several hours in grueling heat or freezing temperatures in your “car” to get to your orphanage
• Your excitement over your newly adopted child is dimmed when you notice he or she is sick, so not only do you feel horrible that your child is feeling miserable and crying uncontrollably, you also get clean-up duty on both ends (throw-up and diarrhea)
• You try to treat an infection or sickness in your child, are unsuccessful and catch it yourself
• Your child throws screaming temper tantrums in the airplane on the way home and acts like you are aliens from another planet
• You lose your passport
• You are still in-country and notice your visa expired yesterday
• You call your adoption agency in an emergency and they say, “Who is this?”
• But the worst yet is- you lose your mind waiting and waiting and waiting for any news or hope of going to get your child!

I am so sorry for any of you that have experienced any of these adoption bad days. I feel that as long as I am prepared for these type of worst-case scenarios I can only be pleasantly surprised…. And if I’m not pleasantly surprised, than this is where all of those lectures my parents gave me about having a good attitude will pay off.

And whatever we have to go through to bring our new daughter home will be worth it!

Labels: Russian Adoption, waiting for referral

Kirby (my 7 yr. old) has become more and more interested in the adoption lately. I got a whole bunch of children’s adoption books from the library and he wants me to read them to him. He wants to understand about adoption. I think I might review these books on a later post. Also, I have purchased a few baby books (I got a Clap Your Hands (Puppet Book) from Amazon for .03 and a Baby Faces board book for like a dollar) He wants to look at those too and tells me how much his little sister will love them. I have also purchased some bubbles- called gazillion bubbles. He wants to open them now, but he knows he has to wait.

I am finding that I am starting to tell people that we will have our daughter by Christmas. I know this is dangerous, but people are always, always asking me. I just want to tell them something!

Labels: waiting for referral

The crisis is abated. I think M just had a knee-jerk reaction to reading about yet another lost referral. He has been working nights this week. So, he had been working all night long at the hospital 7:30PM- about 8:30AM. With an accumulative lack of sleep over 5 preceeding nights. So, in this state he arrives home and hears another lost referral story and just reacted. He went right to sleep after our "discussion" and woke up several hours later feeling much better about everything. It is amazing what a little bit of sleep can do to make you see everything in a more positive light.

Thanks so much for all of the wonderful name suggestions! I am sure we will be able to agree on something. Despite, our morning crisis discussion, I have been feeling really excited about the adoption. More than usual. I am convinced that it will happen this year. One of the things I am most excited about is experiencing all of the fun toddler years that I remember with my older kids. It is so fun to take them to places you remember enjoying as a kid- the wading pools, the park, the kiddie rides, etc. And as they grow older it becomes even more fun because you get to be a kid again through your child.

Did you all jump rope as kids? Chinese jump rope and jacks were my favorite recess pastime. I also really enjoyed making up dances with my friends to songs like Chicago’s “It’s Hard to Say I’m Sorry” or “Don’t You Want Me” by Human League or “We Don’t Need No Education” by Pink Floyd. Later on it was… Devo’s “Whip It” and every Yaz song that came out. Good times.

I think this is one reason that I wanted to adopt a girl- to sort of re-live my childhood. Having boys- it has been more like re-living my brothers lives. Which was fun too- I had great times with my brothers! I know my new daughter won’t be exactly like I was, but I expect to see some similarities. I expect to go through baby dolls and Barbie dolls and gymnastic classes, etc. I will let her decide her own likes and dislikes, but I think there are some things that appeal to most every young girl.

Perhaps I need to let go of this expectation. I mean I don’t want her to be just like me or to feel pressured to be the person I never was- fulfill my unfulfilled dreams or something. It is not like that. I just want to re-experience some of those young girl times- sort of vicariously. Like the sleepovers, the new girl outfits, the girl toys (can we say Easy Bake Oven- I loved that!), the birthday parties, the boyfriends, the girl talk, the shopping, the outings, etc. Is this weird? Do others want children to- in a way- re-live their life over? Am I being selfish here? I mean that is not the only reason I would like to adopt a little girl, but I know that plays into it.

Labels: waiting for referral

“So… So… let’s dance!” (That is my husband’s favorite line from Caddy Shack. If you have seen it you may remember Rodney Dangerfield using that line to change the subject) So… So… I am changing the subject... Music that tells it like it is...

Yes, you can see that I am largely stuck in the 80’s like I said I would never be.

How I feel about blogging sometimes:

“The future’s for discovering
The space in which we're traveling
From the top of the first page
To the end of the last day
From the start in your own way
You just want
Somebody listening to what you say
It doesn’t matter who you are
It doesn’t matter who you are….”

Coldplay from X&Y album

Also-

“Trouble me; disturb me with all your cares and your worries. Trouble me
on the days when
you feel spent.
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is
sturdy and strong?
Trouble me.”

10,000 maniacs “Trouble me”

After being exhausted after a long day-

“If only tonight we could sleep
In a bed made of flowers
If only tonight we could fall
In a deathless spell
If only tonight we could slide
Into deep black water
And breathe…
And breathe….
Then an angel would come
With burning eyes like stars
And bury us deep
In his velvet arms
And the rain would cry
As our faces slipped away
And the rain would cry

…. Don’t let it end”

Cure “If only tonight we could sleep”


This is the song I sing sometimes to wake up the kids:

Morning its morning the curtains are shut
I’ll ring you in the morning but the phone's been cut
Can you hear me (really loud right in their ears)
I've been calling all day
Can you hear me (loud)
Ooo Can you hear me (really loud again)

I'd wish they'd fix the wires 'cause my baby don't know
That I'm leaving in the morning and I'm ready to go
Can you hear me (loud)
Can you hear me at all (loud)

Can you hear me
Ooo can you hear me

Yaz “Bad Connection”


Encouraging words from U2:

“And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
It's just a moment, this time will pass”

U2 “Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of It”

Anyone an Indigo Girls fan? I finally understand about the poster now:

…And I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance; he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free

Indigo Girls “Closer to Fine”

Did you see that part about RASPUTIN? Come on, all you Russian history buffs- who was Rasputin?

Dedicated to my youngest son:

“Don’t blame the sweet and tender hooligan
Because he’ll never, never do it again
And of course he won’t
(at least not until the next time)
So jury you’ve heard every word
But before you decide
Would you look into those “Mother-me” eyes
I love life for you, my love, you my love…
Don’t blame
The sweet and tender hooligan…”

Smiths- “Sweet and Tender Hooligan”

I have to include these lyrics to dedicate to our new little Russian daughter (I know, I know I am repeating this from a former post, but I had to include this)

…Float her basket over the sea... Here on a barren shore
We'll be waiting for... A tailwind to carry her orphan's cry
Don't you worry, child... I wrote you a lullaby
I'm gonna sing you a lullaby...Building you a home
Building you a home...We're building you a home… Selah

Newsboys “The Orphan”

This is the most common lullaby I sing to my kids. The whole song is not appropriate-I only use some of the words-

“Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I’m tired and I
I want to go to bed
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
Sing to me
Sing to me
I’m tired and I
I want to go to bed
There is another world (referring to the dream world here)
There is a better world
Well there must be
Well there must be….”

The Smiths “Asleep”

Favorite Lyrics anyone?

Labels: self help for adoptive moms, waiting for referral