Thursday, June 15, 2006
Referral-less STILL
I know this is an extra post for today, but I had to get out how I was feeling. Have you ever been at a doctor’s appointment waiting in the waiting room and although you checked in your name when you came in it was somehow skipped over? This has happened to me a few times. After waiting and waiting there for a long time and seeing people who came after me go into their appointment while still sitting there I start getting this horrible feeling. Then I see people who came in after me leaving. Am I invisible?

One time I waited in a doctor’s waiting room until the place was closing. I finally went up to the desk holding back tears I had been waiting so long. They told me I should have spoken up, but I checked in! When you check in you assume they have your name on the list and they will call you.

This has happened to me in other places. Once I was at Subway and the person making the sandwiches actually helped the person on both sides of me and on down the line. She totally skipped me. That particular day I was so upset from something that had happened earlier that I totally lost it. I started to yell at the workers, “Hello! Can I get some service here! You are helping those three people down from me before me!” I totally started to cry in the store. Of course the manager freaked out and everyone was jumping over themselves to help me at that point and they gave me coupons for free meals in the future, etc., etc. But I couldn’t even order I just sat down and M had to order for me.

I guess I am invisible sometimes.

This is how I feel about getting a referral. I have been waiting 6 months minus 9 days since my dossier was accepted. I started this process in January 2005. That is when we decided to adopt and started doing the preliminary stuff. We then had to actually move to a new house to get homestudy approval. It was so hard. And now I sit here crying at my computer because I have been sitting in the waiting room for so long. For 1 ½ years and I am starting to get that horrible feeling that I have been overlooked again. That even though I checked in they missed my name.

My new daughter’s room sits empty. Everyone we see asks about the adoption, but now they say stuff like, “So you decided not to do that anymore?” or “So adoptions are totally stopped in Russia?” or “I thought you would have your little one by now.” or “What happened with that adoption thing I thought you guys were doing.” I just smile weakly and say, “Oh we were just pretending about the adoption thing. We thought it made us look cool. So, yah, forget we ever mentioned it. AND please go away.” No, I don’t say that. I just think it.

Sorry, about rambling on. I am just feeling horrible. Kinda like I can’t breathe.

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22 Comments:
Blogger Elle said...
Jen, I wish I had word to make it better. Just know that I am holding you up today as you have done for me so many times in the past. Love you!

Blogger Liv said...
Sorry you are down. I would like to say something meaningful and supportive, but I know that none of that really helps anyway. I hope that you get some news soon.

Anonymous Betsy said...
You just have to keep believing that God's in control and that the timing has to be the way it is to get YOUR little girl. One day, when you meet Pineapple, you'll know that the wait couldn't have been any shorter because she wasn't available yet. When you hold her, you'll know that you would have waited forever for her, filled out a zillion more papers in pink or teal ink, gotten everyone in your state to approve them by putting their mother's maiden name on the back top left corner and spent your last unmarked, uncreased dollar to have HER. At least that's what my husband and I take turns telling each other. As crazy as it all seems, it WILL happen and it WILL be worth it. Hang in there.

Blogger Carrie said...
Hugs! Times like these call for chocolate, and maybe vodka! Elle?

Blogger 6blessings said...
Jen, I'm so sorry the wait has been so long for you. I didn't realize that you started the adoption process in January 2005. Hopefully you will get a face to put with Pineapple's name very soon. You are really awesome to have kept calm for so long. Pineapple is getting prepared, just like you are. Soon you will meet, at just the perfect time.

Blogger Margaret said...
I wish we lived closer. I was just at Target and bought this pre-mixed Cosmo stuff -- you just add vodka and shake. It even comes with pink sugar for the glass rims. I had no freaking idea what I was going to do with it, but it was just too cute.

This. This lack of referral. This is what cosmos are for. Damn distance between MD and MI.

It just stinks that you don't have a referral yet, Jen. You've paid your waiting dues already.

Blogger Debbie said...
Jen I'm so sorry for you. I want to cry with you and then go hit someone in Russia and tell them to get you your girl.
Praying for you!

Blogger MAMB said...
That totally sucks. I'm so sorry that you are still stuck in limbo. I wish I had some words of wisdom but lacking those I'm just sorry.

Blogger -Jenny said...
Oh Jen. This post made me tear up. After reading elle I came over here and well this is just all soo much for us. What your feeling is soo hard. It is that WTF, I am here....HEAR ME.
I know it will be soon, or maybe I don't know but I really hope.

Know I am here for ya. Email me if you need someone. Take care-Jenny

Blogger Kay B said...
Jen,

Right there with you! The waiting is so hard. Everyday I have to remind myself that God is in control, his ways are perfect.
Has your agency given you any idea about the timeframes? We are thinking it will be at least September before we travel. On the brighter side, airline flights are less expensive in the fall! ;)
Keep your chin up. It WILL happen.

Blogger Mary said...
Jen, don't be blue. I know this is so hard. I hope you get your call soon.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Jeneflower, soooo sorry its been so long. Its just the pits. What does your agency say about how much longer? Serena

Anonymous Leggy said...
Oh, I'm so sorry. Our circumstances are different, but boy can I relate. I'm sorry the process takes so damn long and is so frustrating. I hope things get better soon.
And you are entitled to a meltdown- everyone has them. Personally I think its healthy to get it all out.

Blogger Rhonda said...
Oh girl, if I was there, I would take you out and we'd get pedicures together or something...I can really relate. You are in my thoughts. I can NOT wait for the day you get your referral. Talk about some special celebration.

Blogger Steveg said...
I know your wait is a bummer and it scares me a bit since we just started. But you have to know that there is going to be a light at the end of this long tunnel. And that light is going to be WAY cool. Keep your spirits up.

Anonymous Heather said...
Jen, just for you I did a list blog on my site this morning! You have inspired me, in fact, your blog has been a real comfort to so many people during their adoption wait. You are the adoption waiting poster child and it's never easy, but I heartily recommend shopping. :) Spend some time putting together Pineapple's play pack and enjoy this gift of time with your boys. All too soon they will have to share you with a new and needy family member, so perhaps the wait is more precious than you think.

Blogger Lauri said...
HUGS... Im so sorry- the waiting sucks.. I could say a bunch of inspiring things re: Gods plan and timing and the universe to try to help you through this- but all I will say is that your not alone or overlooked and soon your turn will come. Im sorry your hurting

Hang in there, scream if you need to

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Jen,
I was so sad to hear that you were down! I have had that feeling before of being forgotten about. And I hate depending on another person to do their part, because they usually are late or unreliable. It WILL happen for you and sooner than later. I wish I could say something that would help! To cheer you up, I have sent something to add to Pineapple's toy collection--they didn't have a place to say who it was from so if you get something in the mail and aren't sure why, it's from us!

Sandra

Blogger sandy said...
We are all here, hoping and praying for you and Pineapple to come together, and as Elle said, holding you up. If you need to despair for a while, it's okay... because we're holding the fort for you.

Sandy

Blogger "M" said...
I hope you get your referral soon. It doesn't feel good to feel invisible (I feel that way sometimes, too).

Peace,
Melissa
LID 10/31/05

Blogger Tricia said...
You'll get there - hold on! :)

I went to an informational meeting at our agency last night... they are telling people 8 months for a referral of an infant girl. I know that doesn't help you out any, but before you know it you'll be on a plane going over to meet your daughter.

I read your blog everyday waiting for the news, because I know it's going to be such a great day for you and your family & all of us waiting here with you when you finally get your referral!

Blogger Suz said...
Jen, I don't have any magic words. Just know that you are entitled to some blue days and you've got lots of support here and in real life too! I so know that invisible feeling - just keep checking in and checking in. You know the squeaky wheel analogy? I'm not naturally a squeaker, but some instances just call for it! Maybe you need to squeak!

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