I know.

It's Maggie's fault.

I started blogging with her when we were both pursuing Russian adoptions and she wrote a farewell to blogging post and it made me consider doing the same.

Why?

I have a love/hate relationship with my blog. I have this feeling of anxiety that my imperfect blog posts are just sitting out there- open for anyone and everyone- and it is sort of like being crawled all over and analyzed and judged and examined (i.e. she can't even spell the word borring right, I can't believe she wrote about that) ...

at the same time there is always this little tug that I should keep adding to the pile of material for people to consume ...

AS IF people are sitting around WAITING impatiently for another post.

Ya, how ridiculous and self- absorbed is that fantasy?

But seriously, I have these imaginings that people keep clicking on my blog every day thinking, "When is she going to post again? I've been waiting for DAYS."

So this hallucination ruins my peaceful avoidance of my blog when I have nothing to write, or when I do, but I don't feel like forming it into a blog post. Then there are the times I regret writing things. I think, Why did I write that? I have no idea.

Then there are the thoughts that I really should be using this blog to journal my life better- so I can print it out and it will remind me of my life.

But, for some reason I can't do that properly because it bores me to tears.

Then there is the other nagging thought that I should use my blog to spread awareness of important issues, to influence people to make positive changes, to share my beliefs, to do something important. But sometimes issues that are important to me feel too personal to put in a blog. I don't feel like getting a critical comment about my deeply held beliefs and feelings, but maybe I shouldn't worry about that. I don't know.

Then there is the problem that I always come up with stuff I want to write about at the same time M wants to go to bed and I am keeping him up.

However, the reason I don't want to totally give up blogging is because it is a way to express myself, be creative, get advice, vent, work through stuff, connect, be famous (ha ha), make friends, and update friends and family on things.

I am also having a love/hate day because I am about to go to sleep and when I wake up I... (this next part is in slow motion with a grim low voice) will....... be....... t-h-i-r-t-y-s-e-v-e-n.....

Not a happy day.

But the love part is

Piney said, "It's your birthday tomorrow! My birthday is today. Yours is tomorrow. Cause we're best friends. (((hug)))"

Ender asked me if we were going to have a big party. I told him we were going to party all night long. But my night ends at 8:30 though- right after the cake part.

M took me to see Cirque De Soleil in Seoul as a celebration and I am IN LOVE with the music Alegria.

Here is a sample for you...








He even bought me the CD afterward. What a sweet guy!