Monday, October 27, 2008
It is My Love/ Hate Day
I know.

It's Maggie's fault.

I started blogging with her when we were both pursuing Russian adoptions and she wrote a farewell to blogging post and it made me consider doing the same.

Why?

I have a love/hate relationship with my blog. I have this feeling of anxiety that my imperfect blog posts are just sitting out there- open for anyone and everyone- and it is sort of like being crawled all over and analyzed and judged and examined (i.e. she can't even spell the word borring right, I can't believe she wrote about that) ...

at the same time there is always this little tug that I should keep adding to the pile of material for people to consume ...

AS IF people are sitting around WAITING impatiently for another post.

Ya, how ridiculous and self- absorbed is that fantasy?

But seriously, I have these imaginings that people keep clicking on my blog every day thinking, "When is she going to post again? I've been waiting for DAYS."

So this hallucination ruins my peaceful avoidance of my blog when I have nothing to write, or when I do, but I don't feel like forming it into a blog post. Then there are the times I regret writing things. I think, Why did I write that? I have no idea.

Then there are the thoughts that I really should be using this blog to journal my life better- so I can print it out and it will remind me of my life.

But, for some reason I can't do that properly because it bores me to tears.

Then there is the other nagging thought that I should use my blog to spread awareness of important issues, to influence people to make positive changes, to share my beliefs, to do something important. But sometimes issues that are important to me feel too personal to put in a blog. I don't feel like getting a critical comment about my deeply held beliefs and feelings, but maybe I shouldn't worry about that. I don't know.

Then there is the problem that I always come up with stuff I want to write about at the same time M wants to go to bed and I am keeping him up.

However, the reason I don't want to totally give up blogging is because it is a way to express myself, be creative, get advice, vent, work through stuff, connect, be famous (ha ha), make friends, and update friends and family on things.

I am also having a love/hate day because I am about to go to sleep and when I wake up I... (this next part is in slow motion with a grim low voice) will....... be....... t-h-i-r-t-y-s-e-v-e-n.....

Not a happy day.

But the love part is

Piney said, "It's your birthday tomorrow! My birthday is today. Yours is tomorrow. Cause we're best friends. (((hug)))"

Ender asked me if we were going to have a big party. I told him we were going to party all night long. But my night ends at 8:30 though- right after the cake part.

M took me to see Cirque De Soleil in Seoul as a celebration and I am IN LOVE with the music Alegria.

Here is a sample for you...








He even bought me the CD afterward. What a sweet guy!
16 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love being 38! Don't be so hard on it, Jen! You've got it good. Every age is good when you're with people you love.

Have a great birthday and enjoy the cake!

Blogger clowngirl said...
Happy birthday :o)

Blogger Liv said...
Happy Birthday!!

I would love to read what you hate to blog about. You may not realize it now, but there are other people out there who are afraid to write things. I just don't care anymore. I write it all. Although having some energy to write would be nice. If I have input on a topic I will share it when asked.

Blogger Rachael said...
Happy Birthday! Best wishes for good things happening at 37.

Blogger ana and russ said...
Happy Birthday! Hope you have a lovely day!

Blogger Jenni said...
Hope you have a great birthday! I'm also glad you have decided to keep blogging.... for now. I always enjoy reading what you have to say, even if I don't agree (*cough* Sarah Palin *cough*). But the blog is YOUR space, so write whatever you want! (of course, I don't follow that advice myself - too many people I know IRL read my blog!).

Blogger Christine said...
I just wanted to stop by and say that I checked out your books at Blurb.... nice job. Your family is beautiful!

Blogger clynAZ said...
Well if it's any consolation you can always remember I'm a year and a half older than you and M is YEARS older than us both. Tee Hee! Birthdays are just a chronological marker of your life's journey. It's a time to celebrate. Happy Birthday sis. --besides I'm going to be forever young, so that makes you young too-- :D

Blogger Kristen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Kristen said...
Oh don't be so down on yourself. I wait impatiently somtimes for you to post. I think that just makes me the loser though. lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Oh, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Cirque shows too. My fave is La Nouba, the show at WDW. Next time you're in Florida (ha ha) you'll have to see that one. :-)

Blogger Heidi said...
Oh great. Now I feel like a stalker. Why? Because I do check in almost daily to see if you've written anything. I like your writing. And, the more mundane (sp?) the better. It's REAL.
And please don't leave, not now. First The Open Window, then Her Grace... I can't take 3 in a row!
Stay!
pretty please?

Blogger Heidi said...
oops, almost forgot
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I'm 44, don't you feel better now?
:)

Blogger Lauren said...
Happy Birthday!!!!

I am secretly dreading my birthday in April. 40 UGH

I guess not such a secret anymore, though. :-)

Blogger Maggie said...
This made me laugh. I hate to have anything be my fault!

And there's nothing wrong with 37. You have two whole more birthdays before you have to stop having them altogether. At least that's what I say.

Blogger MMrussianadoption said...
Happy birthday. Enjoy it, dont dwell on it

Blogger Tricia said...
I'm also going through the same thing with my blog. Maggie closing shop really is hard. (At least she's still reading though!) I have decided to keep going as a way to journal our family life. I would like to write more but I'm usually too tired too. So I am going to try to make an effort to make time to do this. Glad you are too!

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