We attended a large church conference on Sunday.
We sat in a pew behind a large Caucasian family that I did not know.
I noticed that they had a young Chinese boy with them (I learned later he was just 4).
I guessed he was adopted (he was).
They had bio children just younger and older than him in their family.
It was interesting to observe the family during the 2 hr. meeting.
I noticed that the Chinese boy cried more often than the bio kids (even the younger one) when faced with the same circumstances and situations as the other kids.
He made constant "light" noise such as humming, mumbling, and other such noises, while the bio kids were very quiet.
He was removed from the meeting for disruptions several times while the other kids were not, even the youngest child (age 2).
However, he was held less and shown affection less than the others.
I took notice of the amount of time the mother showed spontaneous affection to the other children, which was often, yet I noticed she gave none to the boy.
He did sit on his father's lap for a time.
I talked with the family after the meeting and they seemed to be very nice people.
They truly had big hearts. They said that the boy was no trouble at all (I guess having to remove him from the meeting several times was no trouble for them) and fit well in their family.
He had been a special needs child due to his cleft palate, but they had, had it fixed. He had been with them almost 2 years now.
I wondered if the relationship I observed was typical.
The adopted child being the neediest, but receiving the least amount of affection.
Why was this the case I wondered.
Perhaps it was because he was so needy, because he was disruptive or because something else was missing. Or perhaps this wasn't typical at all. I had only observed this family once over a 2 hr. period.
I couldn't compare it to my own family because I am too close to my own family to see things. I can't see the forest for the trees.
But I did decide that our family was different because my older boys are not very needy. So Piney doesn't need to fight for my attention from them.
This made me wonder if it isn't good to adopt if you have other small children.
Or maybe I shouldn't say that. Perhaps if this family hadn't stepped up, the boy wouldn't have a family at all. The boy may never had, had the surgery he needed. He wouldn't have the opportunities, or the experiences and relationships he will now be able to have.
Maybe adoption is always a good choice. What do you think?
Labels: after adoption: difficult child behaviors