Friday, June 20, 2008
I Will Not Pee On The Carpet... Written 100 Times
I really didn't make Piney write that 100 times, but only because she can't write yet (ha ha).

Last night we had an incident of peeing on the floor. This was at home, so nothing traumatic or new to set it off.

The natural consequence was that she couldn't wear her dirty underwear or any underwear.

She seemed to be very unhappy about the consequence. Especially because it meant that she could no longer sit on the sofa with her brother and watch the video they had been watching together.

Today she kept her underwear clean at school, so I thought maybe the consequence was effective.

As a reward we gave her ice cream. Then our family went out for dinner.

At dinner she said she needed to go to the potty, so I took her. When we got in there she said she didn't need to go now.

However, I thought she should try, so I set her down on the potty and waited until she went a little bit.

About 10 minutes later she said she had to go again. This time I started thinking it was a ploy to get out of her seat and run around and since she had just gone I told her she could wait until we got home.

As we were going home she said she didn't need to go potty anymore. At home she didn't go.

Then our family all walked to the movie theater. I talked to her and said, "If you need to go potty- just tell me- because there are potties in the movie theater and I will take you inside. I said this to her several times. We got in line (it was a long line to see the movie). It is hard for little girls to wait in lines, so I thought I would take her over to a little play area that was next to the movie theater.

We weren't at the park 1 minute before she peed all over the slide.

I walked her all the way back home and here we sit at home, missing the movie.

I tried to let her understand that her choice to pee in her pants made us both miss the movie. She is very upset about missing the movie, but I don't know if she gets the connection, or if she just thinks I am being mean for taking her home from the movie.

I don't know if it is sinking in at all. I don't know if anything I do really makes any difference.

Sometimes I think that nothing I try makes a difference.

Just today I was sitting at my son's karate class and overheard a conversation nearby.

Lady: "My five year old daughter potty trained my two year old son in ONE day. Really. I did nothing. She showed him how to go and that was it. He never had an accident in the day or night after that. I did no effort whatsoever. No baby potty. Nothing. It was so EASY."

Ya. Thanks for that.

Just what I needed to hear today.



Anonymous Rebecca said...
I'm going through potty training traumas at the moment just like you. Its very frustrating, especially because she had been doing well and now she's regressed, right?
Maybe she's doing it just to get the negative consequences. In other words, she knows she will get some response from it, even if it is a negative one.
What happens if you just clean her up and make no mention of it again? Have you had her clean herself up? Clean up the floor, clean up herself? That might make a difference as something else to try.
Thats what they do at Potty Training Booty Camp, which was on the Today Show earlier this week (and might be on their website on video).
Good luck as we suffer together!!

Blogger La Petite Chic said...
Aww, I'm sorry. Hang in there, hon.

Blogger Lauren said...
Yeah but I bet if you check with that lady after a bit it would be a different story about accidents. Or she just won't tell that part...

She will "get it". I wouldn't give her extra one on one time though if she has an accident. She may like that part of it.

Blogger Elle said...
Our potty training woes were many, long and drawn out. We went to the book store and I let Oleg pick out two potty books (that I pre read) and we also purchased the Elmo potty video. Hey, I was desperate. I tried everything. Potty charts, rewards you name it. No incentive was going to make this child go on his own. It just finally kicked in one day.

Blogger Kristen said...
It is frustrating! My Princess is still not potty trained at night and I too don't know what if anything is getting through to her. Just know that what you are dealing with is NORMAL for some children!! Regardless of whether or not they were adopted.

What you overheard is very very RARE, and I agree it's the last thing you needed to overhear. ((((HUGS)))) Just keep pressing forward and remember she is only 3. If she were 5 or 6 then perhaps you should worry, but alas she is not. Don't beat yourself up. I think the things you've tried so far, and the natural consequenses you provide are perfect.

Blogger MMrussianadoption said...
we are dealing with the potty training issues as well. Hopefully K wont be walking down the aisle in pampers

Blogger Lisa L said...
You might try getting Piney's urine test for infection...some of her symptoms sound like there may be an underlying infection going on. Just a thought. UTI's don't always come with pain ie stinging/burning. But unexpectd 'accidents' or wanting go go, and then not being able to? Those are the symptoms to be aware of. Good luck...

Blogger Rachael said...
It's like the analogy of being stuck in rut: You go back, you go forward, and so on, and then all of a sudden, you get unstuck. Just keep working on it, and one day you will realize she doesn't pee her pants any more.

Blogger kim said...
I am completely out of answers... we are dealing with our own "potty issues" and he is 10. Good luck... I know how frustrating it is.

Blogger Cathy and Nick said...
Hang in there! I agree you need to insure that there are not medical issues causing her to pee without control. Absent of that, rest assured that Piney did not like the negative consequences of her actions (no underwear, missing the movie, etc). She will learn to link her undesired behavior (soiling herself) with missing fun events. Do not think of yourself as "being mean" for removing her from fun events. Rather, BELIEVE you are helping her understand there are consequences for poor behavior, and that SHE holds the cards to allow her to enjoy her time watching a video with her brothers, going to a movie, etc. Piney is an exceptionally bright child. Keep reinforcing that SHE is responsible for her actions. Find comfort in the knowledge that you are only guiding her and that SHE is the one who will ultimately decide when she wants to be potty trained. Make sure you tell her SHE is the one who determines if she can have fun or not. Do not think of yourself as the "cruel mommy", you are simply the "enforcer of the rules", and she, Piney, can not participate in the "fun" of the day if she chooses to act in a manner that is inconsistent with your expectations.

Blogger Melissa said...
I agree with lisa l. Check into a UTI, just in case. But if that's not it, then it seems like you are doing the right things! It's tough...we're getting ready to go through potty training. Yikes!

Blogger Kikilia said...
I think UTI needs to be checked out-those are classic symptoms... but also realize that she could have weak bladder muscles- she could also get so involved in what she's doing that she "forgets" she has to go until the last minute and is too young to make it to the bathroom.

I remember having that problem-I would just hold it so long because I was busy and then had a hard time making it to the toilet.

I do know if my consiquence was the same as yours I never would have said a word about the accident though. It would have been mortifying to me at that age. (3-5)

I remember just having to change pants myself and put the dirty in the laundry and help clean up the mess.... being made so aware of it could be stressing her out a bit too.

Hi, I just found your blog after doing a Google search for Russian adoption blogs. I've read several of your posts already and can tell they will provide a lot of information as we begin our own adoption journey (also from Russia) in the next few years. I noticed you said you previously lived in Maryland and now in South your husband in the military? My husband is active duty Navy. Anyway, I look forward to reading the rest of your posts!

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