Thursday, June 22, 2006
After Adoption: Tantrums?
Be patient with tantrums. Don’t get upset yourself. Do not yell at your child to stop screaming. (Easier said then done, I know) Rock, pat, feed, soothe as best as you can, give medicine as needed if sick .

Rage and rejection can be common. Some of these children are still grieving the loss of their birth mom or orphanage caregivers. Support them in this grief and anger by being understanding and sympathetic.

Never spank an adopted child as they can connect this with possible earlier child abuse.

Try to always use a soothing voice. It matters more how you sound than what you say.

Instead of time outs, better to have time ins- where the child is removed from the situation and place on a chair or into another room while you remain with the child. Don’t leave the child alone.

Assess: is your child hungry, tired, needs a diaper change, over stimulated, jealous? Figure out what is the underlining problem and attend to it.

Expect your child to try to be in control of all situations (what he or she will eat, how, where, when to sleep, what to play with, using the “right” utensil, etc.). Accommodate these things at first. As attachment progresses let the child relinquish more control to you. Sometimes tell the child whatever he or she is doing is exactly what you wanted the child to do as a transition to obedience and relinquishing control.Never ask child's permission to do something yourself (Not- is that or this OK? Only change it if severe reaction) Act like you are in charge. Don’t give a lot of choices (either you pick or let the child choose between two options).

As children get older punishments for disobeying could include: jumping jacks, push-ups, run up and down the stairs, jump rope (get out their energy and get back in control).

Attachment Activities

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2 Comments:
Blogger Suz said...
Yes, Jen, I'm afraid of the tantrums too. D never had any behaviors like that so I've not had a teeny bit of experience there. She has never had a full out tantrum (laying in the floor, uncontrollably crying/screaming). V will be at least 6 months older when she comes home, so I just don't quite know what to expect.

Blogger Lauri said...
Yes they are hard.. we had many food related tantrums in Russia dn we had to put our foots down to keep her from over stuffing her self to the point of getting ill. while in Russia during those first weeks- O would slap me in the face and then hug me... almost as if she was pissed at me and then she would hug and cling to me. I tried to remember how much she was going through and while happy and loving the attention at times I think she was so scared and confused so I took the brunt of that with her slaps.

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