Saturday, March 04, 2006
Adoption Message Boards: Cooling It On FRUA
I realize that I have very “creative” punctuation and my grammar is not always perfect. I know most of you are very forgiving about this, but there might be some anal retentive punctuation Nazis out there that are cringing at all of my posts. This is my explanation: I like to write how I talk. Correct punctuation does not allow this. It is much more formal. If I wrote that way I would fear my posts would sound similar to my recent research paper on stem cell research. It is very boring- unless, of course you like controversial subjects.

I actually like some controversial subjects. The truth of the matter is that I get this really strong sinking feeling when I debate controversial issues because I know I am not changing the world. Not only does nobody really care about my lowly opinion, but nobody is going to do anything about it. I have these types of worthless conversations all of the time. I know it is important to vote for people who share your views and to write to your congressman or to certain people, companies or organizations where your voice might be heard, but does arguing about it with someone really do anything?

I totally understand if it is an issue that is affecting you personally and you are frustrated because you can’t do anything about it and you are venting. Then the venting is doing something- helping you to feel better, but if you don’t feel like you need to get it off of your shoulders, then why argue it out?

O.K. Maybe it is just fun to debate issues. This can be true. That is probably why people do it. I can also see that by bringing up these types of issues you can see who thinks like you and than you know you have those things in common. Perhaps that is why the “discussions” on the adoption boards never cease. Still, the arguing can get so out of hand. I am not sure why people get so worked up. Back and forth bashing and flaming over something really trivial, like baby shower etiquette or homeschooling vs. public schools, etc. Most of the time the arguments are simply a difference of opinion and no one is really "right" or "wrong" - just different. For example- someone might feel "right" because they went to the trouble of bringing a car seat for their child in Russia and on the plane, while others argue that it is unnecessary and unwelcome. Nobody is necessarily right or wrong here.

I have tried to take everyones advice about the adoption boards. I unsubscribed to one of my adoption yahoo groups yesterday. I now only belong to two other groups. I just skim through them now and I rarely post anything. This keeps me feeling much better. I can’t seem to completely abandon them though because periodically I get these really good nuggets of great information. I know it is an illness (like being a pack rat because you may need that one item in the bottom of that box sometime in the future). I do religiously skip over all of the heated debates though and I don’t read FRUA chat unless I have a specific question I need answered.

Instead of these types of heated controversial issues; however, I prefer instead to argue about things like why it makes more sense for M to sew on the kid’s boy scout badges than for me to do it because scouting is a “male thing”. See this argument might actually be beneficial. I might ultimately not have to sew on any badges. I am still working on this argument. I need some better argument skills. Can anyone recommend a good book on this? Something that ultimately makes M feel like it was his idea to begin with?

Perhaps I could get M to do all of the rest of the adoption paper work if I had such a book. He could just tell me where to sign. Wouldn’t that be nice???


Blogger Rhonda said...
I personally feel that debate skills are necessary for a marriage! Its good to fine-tune them whenever you get the chance.

Blogger Tricia said...
The only adoption user groups I belong to are on Yahoo: Russian_Adoption, Adoption_Agency_Research, and something about Russian Orphanages. I used to read every post, but you are right the debates can get tiring. (Esp. the homeschooling vs. public schools or SAHM vs. working mothers) And I can't believe all of the posts about car seats! But then I think that whoever continues to read, and whoever continues to post, must need this information or vent as you say.

I'm also guilty of improper punctuation and grammar. Maybe that's why we all read each others blogs!!!

Blogger Elle said...
Excellent debating skill are essential for you to not sound like a moron when you open your face. I cringe at the thought of the "just because" reply. I firmly believe that if you choose to take a stance on a particular topic you should have factual evidence to back up your argument. Be informed about your subject and not just a follower. If you select homeschooling over public or private school justify your reasons in a logical manner. If you select a particular candidate for election please for the love of God know where that candidate stands on issues and be able to verbalize your support in a valid and truthful manner. Don't just vote for someone because you don't like the other guy.

My favorite time of the year is when the political canvasers come door to door asking for votes. I love to ask them why I should vote for their candidate. They totally stammer every time. I would vote for a different candidate if their campaigner could present a valid argument for thier vote.

Of course this isn't directed at you Jen, these are mearly the way I see things on the topic of debate. Can you tell that I was the granddaughter of a state champion debate coach. It is a curse really.

Blogger Tricia said...

Check out this link from Lisa's blog. Aren't you using Wide Horizons for Children?

Blogger Liv said...
Oddly enough, "Parenting with Love and Logic" has 'sister' books like "Parenting Teens with Love and Logic", "Dealing with Your Parents....", there may even be one about spouses. Even just reading the first one can give you some really good tactics to persuasion.

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