Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Adoption Worries
M has become very upset. He has decided he wants to pull out of the whole adoption process. He is currently not speaking to me. He thinks we are going to pay thousands of dollars to accept a referral and then several months later, after traveling, etc. we will lose the referral to a Russian family. This would put our time-frame in jeopardy. If we don’t bring home a child before June of next year when we move out of this state, we will not be adopting. M is afraid we will lose thousands of dollars for nothing. I am concerned too. There are already three referrals lost out of our small group of bloggers. It is not just happening here though. My Russian adoption email lists are starting to show more and more Russian relatives coming out of the woodwork when they hear an “Ugly” American is coming to take their child that they have abandoned to an orphanage for all this time.

We had a comment left for us recently from Caroline's agency that said if we switched over to their agency we could bring home our child by the end of June. M wanted to jump on this idea. However, I am concerned about doing that because of the huge extra cost of switching- and all of the additional time and paperwork to do this. More importantly; however, I was concerned because I felt initially, after taking the matter to prayer, that our current agency was the one we were supposed to go with. I don’t know what to do. I am just feeling discouraged. I am so sorry for the loss of all of your referrals. I don’t understand why the relatives aren’t informed and given the opportunity to take the child back before the referrals are issued. It just seems crazy.

Don’t worry though. We are not pulling out of the process. As long as I stay firm, we will keep going. I tell M to have faith and it will work out. Lately, my prayers have been: “Heavenly Father-Please don’t make me wrong.”


Blogger Elle said...
Please don't let our situation discourage you. That is the last thing I ever want to happen. Part of the Russian adoption process is to be informed of the risks you may face. We were very aware that this could one day be a possibility.
Hopefully the Department of Education in the region you go to is diligent enough to make sure that the child they refer to you is legally adoptable. (ie. meets all the needed requirements to apply for a release letter) This is what is currently holding up referals in our region.
As far as your agency goes, if you feel that the agency you picked is right for your family stay with them. We are sticking with ours because they are right for us. Don't let anyone sell you on an agency or a child. Just my assvice there.

Blogger Liv said...
I know it's very discouraging Jen. I agree with Lisa. When you get a referral I would make sure you ask your agency that all requirements have been made, i.e, relatives notified and seen by Russian families, before you accept the referral. I wasn't even aware of those changes until Derek posted about A. I'm really angry about that. In fact, Lana was not even scheduled to come off the registry Until April 8th. I'm angry about that too, in retrospect. Hang in there, when what is right finds you, you will know.

Blogger -Jenny said...
Oh Jen.

I am soo sorry. Adoption is such a hard process, nothing is easy and nothing is guarunteed. You will work through it. Your family and your faith will get you through.

Thinking of you-Jenny

Blogger Rhonda said...
I can totally relate to this Jen. I am feeling discouraged too. I just keep telling myself to have faith and persevere. I can't believe how many lost referrals have happened recently.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hi Jen,
I understand your feelings exactly. We are a childless couple waiting for our first little one. We had just completed our dossier and our agency told us they could not work with us to adopt from Russia. They said things were getting way too strict and another family had just been rejected by the Russian court between trips 1 and 2. They had an old criminal charge from way back when that was dropped and expunged. The Russians were offended. My husband also had a charge that was dropped a month later and expunged. Our agency didn't dare want to send our dossier over after the other couple had been turned away. My agency promised that we'd have our child home by late May, and now the whole idea is gone. I was numb at first and now I'm just terribly sad. I can't get rid of the sadness from my heart. 6 years of infertility and 1 year of adoption....I'm 37 and don't understand why I cannot have a family of my own. Sorry for the rambling. Just having a bad day. We were warned of all the risks, I'm sure just as your agency is informing you. It is a journey of faith...I'm just losing mine a little.

Blogger 6blessings said...
Hey guys!! God has it all in His very capable hands. Jen and hubby, please don't feel discouraged. Yes, it is heartbreaking and disappointing. But as everyone said, we were warned of the possibility. We know that there is a reason for everything. Just hang in there. In a few months we will all look back and say, "Aha!" There are hundreds of thousands of children still needing homes that are worth the money and the heartache it sometimes takes to get to them. Trust in God and have faith. Remain faithful to the call. Please don't let our bumps in the road discourage you. The bumps just make us one step closer to our future children. Keep going!! Your little girl is waiting on her forever mommy and daddy!

Here I am on the other end of the spectrum and I feel so guilty for the way that ours has worked out. I don't understand why so many referrals have fallen through. I agree with L, don't let anyone swade you one way or another if you feel like you are meant to be with one particular agency. Our group is fantastic...I believe that it was all about timing. I know Lorien, and I don't think she was trying to get you to come to the "other side". I just know she has been reading all of these stories and she has a big heart and told me how sad/bad she feels for everyone. I think she just knew of a situation for a couple of people and wanted to help find these children a home. One of the children I met myself. It is more than just a business for her. She has adopted from Russia herself and has gone through the pain. I think that is why she is so personally invested in helping. But, all I am saying is...if you felt led to stay with your agency...then, by all means stick with them. God will lead you to your child. I am a firm believer in listening to that "gut" feeling. That is God's voice. I am so sorry that this is happening to everyone. I am praying for everyone and I hope that our situation doesn't discourage anyone, but, encourages others that it will happen. Never give up the faith you guys!.

Anonymous Lorien said...
Hi Jen,

I am so sorry if I have offended you in any way. First, I have to admit, I am becoming a blog addict (thanks Caroline!). Second, I in no way, shape or form wanted to cause you and M any anguish over your current agency. You should definitely listen to your "mommy gut" - they work great!

Caroline is right - I have been through 2 Russian adoptions myself, and had an absolute nightmare of a time with both agencies I used. That is why I started Lighthouse, and vowed to never treat families the way I was treated. Plus, it broke my heart to watch all of the children on the playground lined up like robots on the potties - and their sweet little voices laughing and crying... and I left them all behind when I brought my kids home! This was the one way I felt like I could help find them families, too.

Again, I apologize for any grief I may have caused - I am very happy to hear that you have found a great agency to work with. The waiting is definitely manageable when you have a good relationship with your agency. Things will all work out the way God intends them to! Hang in there!! :)

:) Lorien

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